Not meant to be taken seriously. This is just a short story, and a lame attempt at humor. I wrote this in the short timespan of two hours while waiting for 6/14/2004's strip. Some of the information's probably invalid now that... Well, you'll have to view 6/14 for yourself.
Dawn approached the window of the apartment… yet to the now-hung over Conscience of Fun, it shouldn't have come at all. By first instinct, he was sorely tempted to rise up and snap the blinds shut, but a good nudge from his side brought Asmodeus back to his senses.
Wait. How the hell did she get here? The last thing I remember is spiking her ambrosia and…
"Why in the Nine Hells did I go along with the guys and drank with them?" he quietly mused, raking his messy brown hair in frustration. "Never will I screw a woman again and not remember how it was."
Especially this one, indeed. Even if his nightly bed mate was wrapped tightly in the sheets, it was impossible to miss her alluring scent of ivory. Asmodeus lightly turned her over, allowing himself to view the scattered strands of her earthly auburn hair all over *his* pillows. He brushed a callused finger over her face, reveling in the feel of her smooth, pale skin. He never thought that she would look and feel so… good.
Although she was far from being 'good' last night, a small part of him remarked. Unfortunately, the rogue Conscience couldn't quite remember *how* far off the deep end she had gone. Note to self, nothing alcoholic before--
A small mewl from her lips interrupted his musings. Asmodeus's mind ran a thousand miles per hour. Oh crap. She's coming to. If she sees us like this she's definitely gonna blow a fuse. I'd better…
Too late, for the aforementioned angel reached over and glomped the poor man's arm before he could get out of her reach. He stiffened, thinking that she was finally awake, but was only met with silence. Well, there goes that idea. But she's still asleep… maybe I can coax her into letting go. But he cursed silently; nothing was coming immediately to mind. So Asmodeus, going against all logic, sidled up to her and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.
There, his mind assumed, maybe she'll let go and instead try to…
Dark emerald eyes blinked awake and met his own.
Oh, God. Fate must really hate me today.
To the black-winged angel's surprise, however, the woman did not show an expression of surprise, nor anger, nor even embarrassment. Instead she smiled mirthfully at her bedside 'date' and whispered,
Just how much did he put in the drink, anyway? Asmodeus was stunned beyond belief. By all rights, she should be screaming bloody murder by now, probably bodily harm (not that he couldn't stand up to her, but it still made him uncomfortable to beat on the very female you just slept with), but… instead, the auburn-haired operative was smiling sweetly at him as if she regretting nothing from the previous night.
What the hell did she just say? That sickeningly sweet tone of voice, so mellifluous and innocent… the way that, despite how 'slightly' disheveled the woman's face appeared at the moment, she simply *gleamed* of fresh, vivacious beauty. Never in Asmodeus's immortal lifetime had he *ever* witness her show herself to him in such a way…
For once, he feared for his life—well, you get what I mean.
"Asmo-kun?" she repeated herself. "You're staring…" She grinned devilishly as she 'accidentally' slipped off a portion of the bedcovers around her shoulders, slipping inches lower by the second. "Like what you see?"
By the Nine Levels of Hell, this was just plain *wrong*.
"U-um," he began nervously, scratching his head as his mind berated 'what the hell are you doing, you fool? Take her!' "G-Good morning," he said instead, attempting to muster up of what was left of his confidence (and possibly dignity). "Sleep well?"
Her replying smile succeeded in *his* inner voice to yelling at Asmodeus more. "Very well." Did she just… purr? No, no, no, no! Do not think about that! Even though… even though…
Idly, the green-eyed angel took a sideways glance out the window, noting the time. "Well, I'd love to spend even more time with you," she began to frown with disappointment, "but I have work today…" But she paused for a moment, contemplating that statement. "Oh… maybe I could just skip for one day, not like those jerks even care about me… or maybe not… Maybe I should go… What do you think, Asmo-kun?"
As she had been talking, the self-debate had raged on, even louder in 'Asmo-kun's mind…
'But she wants you! Bad!'
'That was not what I had in mind!'
'Didn't you want her to like you that way?'
…until he finally said out loud, "Oh, screw it."
"So you think I should skip after all?" she asked innocently, unaware of what her once-rival agent really decided.
Asmodeus flashed his usual smirk—something which seemed to turn on the woman staring up at him—and placed his hands on both of her shoulders, effectively pinning her down on the bed. "Yeah, screw the work. We can always call in sick. Besides, I have my nurse right here."
Smooth, 'Asmo-kun', very smooth, the inner voice remarked. He knew that he would probably get even worse hell if she were to ever snap out of it, but he figured, might as well milk it up for everything it's worth. And while I'm not drunk this time, he mentally added.
As he pinned her a little bit too roughly onto the bed, neither of the two noticed his alarm clock (an old-fashioned one that you had to wind up), tip precariously near the edge of the night stand. Another jolt to the bed caused it to tip over…
And knock the poor woman right on the forehead.
"Gah." He swiftly set it aside, an apology building up in this throat. "Sorry about that… I really should put it somewhere safer."
But for a full minute, she did not open her eyes.
As he began to call out her name, the same dark green eyes that greeted him opened once again.
They were not, however, filled with unexplainable affection.
No, they were, instead, burning hot with righteous anger.
"Asmodeus." She stated flatly.
"Why am I in your bed?"
No answer. The man on top of her couldn't think of any response. That tone… that attitude…
"And why are you on top of me?"
Still no answer. Underneath him, the dark-winged one could feel her quivering with fury, a powder keg just begging to explode.
"And why in God's name am I NAKED?!"
To date, that was the first time Asmodeus discovered Seraphim's "unexplainable" bi-polarity.
Poor, poor, deluded fool.
Like I said... not meant to be taken seriously. Though it's a nice though, I suppose. This is really just writing practice... really. And yes, I felt like not revealing the name of the gal next to Asmodeus, as that probably should have been obvious already...
I guess I wanted to surprise you all, sort of. (I'm not even sure if it worked or not...)