Chapter 2, Part 0: Motor Reflex

Inspector Sonoda was in a sour mood as he approached the little Megagamer's store in Yoyogi. He'd already had to deal with several emergencies this morning, stemming from an incident involving a high-energy plasma weapon and a wrecked building. He had caught the gunman and charged him with illegal discharge of a plasma weapon within city limits, illegal possession of said plasma weapon, destruction of private property without a permit, reckless endangerment of human life, reckless endangerment of android life, and aggravated bishi-ness. And within five minutes of booking that lowlife sewer scum, SONY's lawyers already had him free and clear. On top of that, some clown in maintenance had locked the radio tuner in his patlabor on a station that played only megadustrial grunge, and he couldn't get the damned thing turned off. All in all, this was not shaping up to be one of his best days.

Sonoda maneuvered his mech to a halt beside the broken glass windows of the store front. As he jumped down from the cockpit, a young police officer stepped through the front doorway and into the street. <Whatcha got for me, Son Number-one,> drawled* Sonoda, as the young man approached.

<Goddamned mess is what, Pop,> replied the rookie officer, Yuuji Sonoda. <Place looks like an earthquake hit it. Bunch of otaku fanboys trampled the store manager and his daughter. The girl was a famous seiyuu and idol-singer, though you wouldn't hardly recognize her now, busted up the way she is and all.>

The pair walked into the shop and across the floor in slow lock-step, surveying the damage as they went. <We found the store manager pinned behind the counter right over there,> said Yuuji. <He's roadkill.>

A feeble voice exclaimed, <I'm not dead!>


<I'm not dead!>

<Here. He sez he's not dead.> said Sonoda.

<Yes he is, Pop.>

<No I'm not!> said the voice.

<He isn't!>

<Well, he will be very soon.>

<I think I'm getting better!>

<No you're not - >

<Now hold it right there, Son Number-one. You take this any further and I'll have to charge our writer with mixing parodies, multiple copyright infringements, and aggravated assault on a Python, and then where will we be?>

<Sorry, Pop.>

Sonoda squatted down on is heels beside the prone figure of the Idoru. <Durn. Looks like she was trampled flatter'n hammered owl-shit.**>


<Where'd those bracelets come from?> Sonoda pointed at the remains of the shackles around the Idoru's ankles and left arm.

<She was cuffed to the table supports, Pop. And it looks like the table were bolted to the floor.>

<Man would have to be a mad dog to loose a crowd of otaku geeks on a purty li'l girl like this,> Sonoda said, leaning over her face. <Lookit 'er. She's a kawaii li'l stomped-on angel.>

The Idoru's left hand abruptly came off the floor and grasped Sonoda by the neck.

<Guess she's not entirely dead, Pop.>

<Gurk!> said Sonoda.

The Idoru's eyes never opened, but her right hand came swinging up toward the surprised Inspector's face - slappity-slappity-slappity-slappity-slappity-slappity-slappity-slappity! Then she spit in his eye, raised a leg and kicked him across the room.

<What the hell!?> gasped Sonoda, raising himself weakly on his forearms as the Idoru relapsed into immobility.

<Guess that's what they call a "motor reflex", Pop.>

*In the Rurouni Kenshin series, they used a Texas accent to dub the Kansai-ben dialect, so I figured it was fair to do that here.

**An actual Texan regional homey-ism, believe it or not.

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