Scene 4

King BG music - Our heroes ride bravely through the forest to Plot Limbo, not knowing the danger that lies ahead.

"Aaaagh!"

The music stops suddenly as we abruptly see swords clash and men bellow in the fury of battle!

King BG music - Back to our heroes, who are still riding complacently in the forest.

"Aaagh!" CLASH!

"Ooh!"

King BG music - It really is quite a nice day... so peaceful and quiet...

SCHTICH!

"Aagh!"

"Oh!"

King BG music - The camera swerves around to take a frontal shot of our heroes, casually galloping forward with their trusty grenades. All is well.

"Ooh!"
"Uuh."
"Erg!" The two knights struggle against each other, steel on steel, trying to gain some leverage. They shove each other backwards, to reveal BG and his men coming out of the forest. BG holds up his hand and they all come to a halt and watch.

"Aaaagh!" The FAN-BOY swings, and misses as the BLACK KNIGHT jumps back. They both swing their swords forward.

Clang!

Their swords locked, the FAN-BOY kicks the BLACK KNIGHT in the shin and slams him in the helmet with his sword. Then he brings down his sword for the final blow, but the BLACK KNIGHT blocks it! Much fighting ensues, involving swings, bangs, bams, magic of incredible power and sparkly effects, incredible displays of swordsmanship and knowledge, and masterful head slaps with salmon.

Finally, the BLACK KNIGHT begins a speech so long and complex that the FAN-BOY looses patience and just charges him. The BLACK KNIGHT, irritated at the interruption, swings back his sword and throws it through the air, shooting it straight through the FAN-BOY's helmet. 11.37 gallons of blood are released at a pressure of 35 psi, and the FAN-BOY falls to the ground dead.

BG looks tolerably impressed, and rides up to the BLACK KNIGHT as he pulled out his sword.

BG: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[pause]

I am BG, King of the Arpiers.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Plot Limbo.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, Silent Rogue.

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

BG: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

BG: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.

BG: I command you, as King of the Arpiers, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.

BG: How about women?

BLACK KNIGHT: I'm afraid not.

BG: So be it!

Dramatic music cues up as BG and the BLACK KNIGHT begin fighting with excellent skill!

BG and BLACK KNIGHT: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.

[BG chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

BG: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.

BG: A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.

BG: Well, what's that, then?

The BLACK KNIGHT looks at his stump, and pulls a cybernetic arm out of Quake-space. He attaches to to himself.

BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.

BG: You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT: [his arm glowing purple]: Come on, you pansy!

[clang]

Huyah!

[clang]

Hiyaah!

[clang]

Aaaaaaaah!

[BG chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

BG: Victory is mine!

[he kneels] We thank Thee oh Miho, that in Thy mer--

"iHah!" A foot slams BG in the head.

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on, then.

BG: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you! [kick]

BG: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?

BG: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes, I have.

BG: [EMPs the cybernetic arm] Not anymore!

BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound. [boots him]

BG: Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken!

[kicks BG's arse again]

Chickennn!

BG: Look, I'll have your leg. [is kicked again]

Right!

WHOP!

[BG chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: Right. I'll do you for that!

BG: You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT: Come here!

BG: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!

BG: You're a looney.

BLACK KNIGHT: The Knightwalker always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.

WHOP!

[BG chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]

KNIGHTWALKER: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

BG [exasperated]: Come, Silent Rogue.

KNIGHTWALKER: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

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