Nyi, you've already cut and burned me in almost every way known to man ~ Josh Coffin, AIM conversation.
Sir William and the Three-Headed Knnnnigget
NARRATOR CHARLES FOX: The Tale of SIR WILLIAM. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. SIR WILLIAM rode north, through the dark forest of Ebay, accompanied by his favourite MINSTRELs.
Bravely bold SIR WILLIAM rode forth from the Cafe.
He was not afraid to die, O brave SIR WILLIAM.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave SIR WILLIAM!
He was not in the least bit scared to be stomped by a zilla,
Or to have his eyes bleached out and his brain-cells fried,
To have a girl hammer him, his post flamed away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave SIR WILLIAM!
His head pied in and his heart stole out
And his gender undone and his bowels tied up
And his nostrils glomped and his bottom burned off
And his pants--
SIR WILLIAM: That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.
[INTERUPTION] (brought to you by the people's republic of freeing rp)
COUNT ALPICOLA: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.
AC DRAGONMASTER: Oh, Alpi, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.
[SIR WILLIAM stops abruptly as he comes across a giant three-headed knight!]
ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?
He is brave SIR WILLIAM, brave SIR WILLIAM, who--
WILLIAM: Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through.
ALL HEADS: What do you want?
To fight and--
WILLIAM: Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight.
ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not!
WILLIAM: Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Coffee Table.
ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Coffee Table?
WILLIAM: I am.
SNOW (LEFT HEAD): In that case, I shall have to kill you.
VETINARI (MIDDLE HEAD): Shall I?
ARRAM (RIGHT HEAD): Oh, I don't think so.
VET (MIDDLE): Well, what do I think?
SNOW (LEFT): I think kill him.
ARRAM (RIGHT): Oh, let's be nice to him. [to WILLIAM] Do you like Yuki?
SNOW (LEFT): Oh, shut up.
WILLIAM: Perhaps I could--
SNOW (LEFT): And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!
ARRAM (RIGHT): Oh, cut your own head off!
VET (MIDDLE): Yes, do us all a favour!
SNOW (LEFT): What?
ARRAM (RIGHT): Yapping on all the time.
VET (MIDDLE): You're lucky. You're not next to him.
SNOW (LEFT): What do you mean?
VET (MIDDLE): What, waking up to you every time you go magical girl?! I'm the one who has to deal with your PMS!
SNOW (LEFT): I do not! Anyways, you've got bad breath.
VET (MIDDLE): Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth.
ARRAM (RIGHT): Oh, quit whining and let's go have dinner.
SNOW (LEFT): Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then I'll cook.
VET (MIDDLE): Yes.
ARRAM (RIGHT): No! Have you forgetten what happened last time?! I've still got a hickey from that tentacle slap...
SNOW (LEFT): All right. All right, Vet will cook, but let's kill him anyway!
ALL HEADS: Right!
VET (MIDDLE): ...he buggered off!
ARRAM (RIGHT): So he has. He's scampered.
[Some ways away...]
Brave SIR WILLIAM ran away,
Bravely ran away, away.
WILLIAM: I didn't!
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave SIR WILLIAM turned about
WILLIAM: I didn't!
And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,
WILLIAM: I never did!
He beat a very brave retreat,
WILLIAM: All lies!
Bravest of the brave, SIR WILLIAM.
WILLIAM: I never!
Will's claims are all quite true. I did it all.