Types: Fanfic
Scene 19: The knights who no longer say 'l33t'

BG: O Knights of L33t, we have brought you your b33r garden. May we go now?

LARGO: It is a good b33r garden. I like the pints particularly,... but there is one small problem.

BG: What is that?

LARGO: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'L33t'.

KNIGHTS OF L33T: L33t! Shh!

LARGO: Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Bam-bam-bam-pikang-w00t!-BOOM-r0xx0r-j00-0wnzed-LOL'.


LARGO: Therefore, we must give you a test.

BG: What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'l33t'?

LARGO: Firstly, you must find... another b33r garden!

[dramatic chord]

BG: Not another b33r garden!


LARGO: Then, when you have found the b33r garden, you must place it here beside this b33r garden, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a keg running b33r down a path in the middle.

KNIGHTS WHO TILL RECENTLY SAID L33T: A keg! A k3g! A k3g! L33t! Shh! L33t! L33t! L33t! Shh! Shh!...

LARGO: Then, when you have found the b33r garden, you must boot the slowest b0x in the forest... with... Win2k!

[dramatic chord]

KWTRSL: A Win2k! (L33t!)

BG: We shall do no such thing!

LARGO: Oh, please! It's only a 286!

BG: Run Win2k on a 286? Why, it can't be done!

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

LARGO: Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.

BG: What word?

LARGO: I cannot say wai, for it is one of the words the Knights of L33t cannot hear!

BG: But you just said why!

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh!

RANDOM: (He did! He did say wai!)

LARGO: You said it again!

BG: What, 'it'?

KWTRSL: Agh! No, not 'it'.

LARGO: No, not 'it'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'it'. Why, imagine trying to say 'bit' or 'unfit'!"

KWTRSL: No, not 'it'. Not 'it'.

PSIEYE: My liege, it's Sir William!

MINSTREL: [singing]
He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

BG: Sir William!

WILLIAM: My liege! Why are you here?

LARGO: Now he's said the word!

BG: Looking for the C00l Thing. Surely you've not given up your quest for it?

MINSTREL: [singing] He is sneaking away and buggering up--

WILLIAM: [beating] Shut up, shut up! Why won't you just shut up?! [to BG] No, no. No. Far from it.

LARGO: He said the word again!

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh!

WILLIAM: Why, I was looking for it right here!

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh!

WILLIAM: Uh, here-- here in this forest.

BG: No, it is far from this place. We were just trying to find out where, and nobody will tell us, or why.

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh!

LARGO: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...

BG: Oh, stop it!

LARGO: ...we cannot hear! Ow! He said wai again!

BG: Patsy!

LARGO: Wait! I said it! I said wai!

[King BG leaves with his knights]

Ooh! I said it again! Why? And there again! That's three 'wai's! Ohh!

KWTRSL: Aaaaugh!...

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