Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4
Apologies to Mitch Leigh and Joe Darion (again)
Filk by NightStrife

[spoken]

LARGO [pressing sword against YANAGISAWA]:
3v1l Minion!

YANAGISAWA:
A Paladin of Leet? That's ridiculous.
There is no leet.

LARGO [waving sword]:
H34then!

YANAGISAWA [hiding behind box]:
My mistake! There are l33t ones!

LARGO:
Hand over that c00l th1ng!

YANAGISAWA:
This? But this is just a model ball from MacGuffin!

LARGO [raising sword to attack]:
MacGuffin!

JUNPEI [stepping forth]:
Junpei think thing look like MacGuffin.

YANAGISAWA:
Of course! I'm a seller of anime goods.
It's a simple collectable.

LARGO:
S1l3nc3!
Do you not see what this really is?
The Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4!
When used by one with L33t Sk1llz it can
Summon a horde of Ph34r-Bots!
Foul minion, from where did you steal it!

YANAGISAWA:
I didn't steal it. I bought it
Direct from the manufacturer.

LARGO:
Hand it over!

YANAGISAWA:
But they don't make these anymore!

LARGO [waving sword]:
H4nd 1t 0v3r, pawn of the 3v1l On3!

YANAGISAWA tosses the ball to LARGO

JUNPEI:
Thing limited edition.

YANAGISAWA [hiding under shelf]:
I need a drink...

[singing]

LARGO:
Oh, Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4,
With so mysterious a past,
How long have you sat in those boxes?
I'll bring you glory now at last!

Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4,
I have heard what you can do.
Not afraid now, with your aid now,
We'll stomp zombies into goo!

YANAGISAWA [to JUNPEI]:
I can hear him being called now
By some nice, white padded walls...

JUNPEI [to YANAGISAWA]:
Junpei think is best if you not
Keep insisting that a ball.

YANAGISAWA [to JUNPEI]:
But he'll find it is no c00l th1ng
And won't summon ph34r-bot hordes...

JUNPEI [to YANAGISAWA]:
Well, L33t-M4ster then resort to
Bonking bad ones on the gourd.

LARGO:
Oh, Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4,
Your uses soon will be well known,
For L33t D0n Largo of la Kuith,
Will raise you to your proper throne!

[slower]
LARGO, JUNPEI, YANAGISAWA, FANBOYS:
Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4,
We have heard what you can do.

[at same time]
LARGO: / JUNPEI, YANAGISAWA, FANBOYS:
Not afraid now, with your aid now, /
Wondrous C00l Th1ng of M4ch1n4,

LARGO, JUNPEI, YANAGISAWA, FANBOYS:
You'll stomp zombies

Fanboy [sobbing]:
My credit card is maxed out!

[softer]
LARGO, JUNPEI, YANAGISAWA, FANBOYS:
Into goo!
To Each His Nanashiko
Apologies to Mitch Leigh and Joe Darion
Filk by NightStrife

[Marketing agency]

PIRO:
To each his Nanashiko,
Who's his alone to find.
To each a place he can escape,
Where he can find a blinding drape;
Push troubles out of mind.

For with his Nanashiko,
Whose presence spurs him on,
A man can live without regrets
And pain from things which he regrets;
Shine light on a new dawn.

But if your life is all escapes
One thing will still hold true:
A man who covers pain with drapes
Has cracks which still slip through.

There is no Nanashiko,
She's part of your mind's guile.
But yet how sweet the world would be
If everyone who dreams could see
The pain die for a while.

To each his Nanashiko,
Though she's only in the mind!

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