We're Only Trying to Help (I'm Only Trying to Help reprise)
Apologies to Mitch Leigh and Joe Darion
Filk by NightStrife

[spoken]
[DOM enters]

PING:
Dom!

PIRO:
Have you heard?

DOM:
I saw the results with my own eyes on my way here.
Ping, your 'Largo-sama' has earned the ire of every
Police force in the city! Piro, what do you know of this?

PIRO:
Only that Largo has been carried away by the latest
Zombie-killing game.

DOM:
Largo has snapped and is going on a drunken rampage!

PIRO:
There's a difference?

DOM:
Not with Largo, I suppose.

PING:
What can we do? We have to find Largo-sama!

DOM:
I'm more worried about what will happen if the authorities
Follow his trail back here! You could get killed!

PIRO:
Come now, Dom, the police wouldn't -

DOM:
I don't want little plastic pieces in my hands!

MIHO:
People always assume the worst about what others have done.
In some cases, there just isn't time to check facts
Thoroughly.

PIRO:
What facts? Largo just interprets events differently.

DOM:
And is causing massive amounts of property damage
In the process!

PING:
Please, Dom, don't be upset! Largo was planning to give
You everything! All the equipment, beer, your own ninj4...

PIRO:
True, Dom. Largo was even going to give you a certain
Couple of photographs. Afterall, they'd be safest in your
Possession.

DOM [hand on Sig Sauer 9mm]:
Is that a threat? Are you a friend or not?

PIRO:
What I meant was, consider it another part of your mission.

DOM:
How so?

PIRO:
Think of the bonus you would receive for stopping this
Rampage. Not only monetary, but in favors and an ease
In completing the rest of your mission.

DOM:
Hmmm, that would be worthwhile...

PIRO:
Impossible?

DOM:
He can't be too far.

PIRO:
Just follow the screams.

DOM:
Get ready, Piro, we're going after him!

[singing]

But ere we go, before we fly,
I would like to tell you all here why we try:

PIRO:
It seems to me, that as we go,
There is but one thought that they all will try to show:

DOM: / PIRO,PING,MIHO:
I'm only trying to help, / He's only trying to help,
I'm only trying to help, / He's only trying to help,
Whatever things may come to pass,
I'm only trying to help. / He's only trying to help.

Screw my mission, it is clear,
Largo is a friend more dear,
I'm only hoping that / He's only hoping that
I can try to help him. / He can try to help him.

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