Types: Filk, Largo, Ping, Humor
Spank the Turtle
(to the tune of "Sink the Bismark")

It happened just the other day, the rampage had begun,
He'd gotten out of rehab and was out to have some fun,
That turtle was the meanest drunk that you did ever see,
On his back a shell as hard as steel, and legs as big as trees.

Along the wrecked and ravaged street came a clankin' patlabor
Driven by Sonoda-san, who understood the score,
He had to spank the turtle, that drunk monstrosity,
Break that shell as hard as steel and legs as big as trees.

We'll catch that drunk reptilian that's making such a fuss,
We gotta spank the turtle cause the town depends on us,
We'll hit the streets with patlabors and catch up with that clown,
Yeah, and when we find Gameru we gotta bring 'im down!


Sonoda found Gameru, and then made his arrest,
He charged him with destruction, and aggravated breath,
"I gotta spank the turtle!" was his battle shout,
But in the end Sonoda's charge was turned into a rout.

As Largo watched, he shook his head, and said "I'll tell ya, Boo,
These local copz got badass gear, but haven't got a clue.
But I have got a plan to bring Gameru to his knees,
So first I need to piss-off Piro's game accessory."

I'll catch that drunk reptilian that's making such a fuss,
I gotta spank the turtle cause Sonoda's just a wuss,
I'll improvise a plan for using SONY's evil 'bot,
Yeah, and then I'll mix some turtle soup and cook it in a pot!


So Largo tried to anger Ping with all that he could do,
He taunted her with insults, made faces at her too,
But nothing that he did could seem to make her want to slug,
Until he accidently triggered her rejection bug.

So Ping chased after Largo with a great big honkin' bat,
She wound up, overswung, and knocked that turtle on his back,
The turtle belched upon Ping's hair, which she thought very rude,
And that my friends did end the rampage of that Gameru.

She caught that drunk reptilian that's making such a fuss,
She had to spank the turtle cause it belches far too much,
She grabbed him by his necktie and she spun 'im 'round and 'round,
Yeah, and when she let Gameru loose he flew across the town!


(they made me do it, Johnny, honest!)

=======================================================
Sink The Bismark
Johnny Horton


In May of 1941 the war had just begun
The Germans had the biggest ship, they had the biggest guns
The Bismark was the fastest ship that ever sailed the sea
On her deck were guns as big as steers, and shells as big as trees.

Out of the cold and foggy night came the British ship, the Hood
And every British seaman, he knew and understood
They had to sink the Bismark, the terror of the sea,
Stop those guns as big as steers and those shells as big as trees.

We'll find that German battleship that's making such a fuss,
We gotta sink the Bismark cause the world depends on us.
We'll hit the decks a-runnin' boys and spin those guns around
Yeah, and when we find the Bismark we gotta cut her down!

The Hood found the Bismark, and on that fatal day
The Bismark started firing fifteen miles away
"We gotta sink the Bismark!" was the battle sound
But when the smoke had cleared away, the Mighty Hood went down.

For six long days and weary nights they tried to find her trail.
Churchill told the people, "Put every ship asail,
For somewhere on that ocean, I know she's gotta be
We gotta sink the Bismark to the bottom of the sea!"

We'll find that German battleship that's making such a fuss
We gotta sink the Bismark cause the world depends on us
We'll hit the deck a-runnin' boys and spin those guns around
And when we find the Bismark we gotta cut her down.

The fog was gone the seventh day, and they saw the morning sun.
Ten hours away from homeland the Bismark made its run.
The admiral of the British fleet said, "turn those bows around,
We found that German Battleship and we're gonna cut her down!"

The British guns were aimed and the shells were coming fast,
The first shell hit the Bismark, they knew she couldn't last
That mighty German battleship is just a memory.
"SINK THE BISMARK!" was the battle cry that shook the seven seas!

We found that German battleship that was making such a fuss.
We had to sink the Bismark cause the world depends on us.
We hit the deck a-runnin' and we spun those guns around, yeah,
and when we found the Bismark, we hadda cut her down!

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