Dang Fool mentioned that he was working on a filk of "Poisoning Pidgeons In The Park" by Tom Lehrer, but was stuck. I asked if I could run with it. He said yes. Ergo... Original lyrics follow, as always.
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Taunting Small Children in the Park
Idea courtesy Dang Fool

Something's here, a-so-me-thing is here
Popping balloons and causing fear
I fear some demon has taken wing
I do, they do, it's true, don't you?

All the children were gay
'Till they saw her today
'Cause she's taunting small children in the park
If you go there, you'll see
The insanity
As she taunts the small children in the park

They don't see her coming, they have no idear,
But the kiddies will soon run from the park in highest gear
The world's full of joy
But she's rampaging; Oy!
Yes, she's taunting the children in the park

She's causing insanity
And excess profanity
Among the humanity
Nearby her
I think it's a rarity
Taunts with such sincerity
Cause so much hilarity
But where's her sister?
Oh it seems that the world has gone wild
If a conscience can thus taunt a child!

So come on let us go
And observe others' woe
As she taunts the small children in the park
Don't think she could be done
She was having such fun
While she taunted the children in the park

Attacking them all with exceeding dexterity
We can only hope someone will provide clarity
My heart may well stop
The next time something pops
From the hands of a child
Be it noisy or mild
She's taunting the children in the park!
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Poisoning Pidgeons In The Park - Tom Lehrer

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes every Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Every Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Everything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment,
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strych'nine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgeon!
To poison a pigeon in the park.
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I find it funny that I managed to inspire a filking onslaught, and even a filk about the filking onslaught. Hell, maybe someday I'll get someone who's actually popular to try this...
[Grimaces at the thought of someone like Sabyr or Fred filking]
Never mind.
-Wordsmith

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