Last year*, Caduceus-kun started things off. This year, I thought I'd issue the invitational challenge to the board's filkers: take back your ears! Fight the overwhelming cheery tide of wretched tunes of traditional mass-marketing and filk some Christmas songs! Don't worry about filking a song that's already been filked; plenty has happened in the past year in MegaTokyo, and we all want to see as many different takes on these traditional songs as possible.

I'll start off with "Schwing Leather Belts," after "Sweet Silver Bells" (aka "Carol of the Bells.")

Schwing Leather Belts

See all the belts
schwing leather belts
all seem to say
"Buy me today!"
Christmas they feel
brings them good deals
out with the old
fashion is cold

Bling, bling, bling, bling
That's what they sing
Sera and Ping
both go shopping
They seem to hear
sounds they should ph34r
From ev'rywhere
Filling the air

Oh how it sounds
razing the grounds
taller than jails
renting their tails
'Zillas they be
make people flee
all but these three
(Boo's in a tree)
very, very, very scary 'Zilla
very, very, very scary 'Zilla

oh, bad they smell
gasses so fell
but our trio
will let them know

[repeat all]

- _Quinn

*: It may be more convient to browse last year's filks at the CWDB.
Hmm... interesting....

--------------------------------
Mine: I Saw the Crowd the Other Day

I saw the crowd the other day
All packed in to the entryway,
And from the throng emerged a song:
"Hayasaka, come out again!"

Staring distraught through window frame,
Her peace betrayed by former fame,
Was torn inside as her fans cried,
"Hayasaka, come out again!"

I could not move them from their ward,
Looked on as Largo came onward,
With class about, to end the shout -
"Hayasaka, come out again!"

I don't know how it ended there,
The crowd had fled for God knows where,
No longer heard the fanboy's word -
"Hayasaka, come out again!"

But as I walked with weary tread,
She came right up to me and said
"I thank you here for staying near;
For now I won't come out again..."
--------------------------------
Original: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christiandom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men."
--------------------------------
Last year's total seems to be 27, unless I'm mistaken. Maybe we'll bring the not-penguin back out of hiding again. On with ye show!
-----------------
You're a Mean One, Mister Ed
Apologies to old man Geisel and any Ed fans out there.

You're a mean one, Mister Ed
For a Sony employee
Pretty face, but ugly inside
And I think Ping would agree, Mister Ed
I've been trying hard, but I can't find your good side

You're a psycho, Mister Ed
And I think I must concede
Though you look nice, that won't counteract the evil of your greed, Mr. Ed
I wouldn't go near you if I were a thirteen foot tall Swede

You've got issues, Mr. Ed
And your KillStick's rather large
It's a wonder that it fit upon that transatlantic barge, Mr. Ed
Given a choice between that and an airplane,
I would have to take the barge!

You're sure fright'ning, Mr. Ed
With a bag over your face
Is that 'cause if folks knew it was you
They'd flee the sad disgrace, Mr. Ed?
If forced at gunpoint to describe you, anywhere, I'd say, truthfully
"Out. Of. Place."

You are ruthless, Mr. Ed
Probably the camper king
With a code of ethics smaller than
A bumblebee's left wing, Mr. Ed
With all that you've been through here, it's odd
that you haven't been deported to a decent psych ward,
but instead are out here trying to
dispose of poor Ping!

You disturb me, Mr. Ed
And I wonder why your boss
Hasn't fired you or had you killed
You're not a talking horse, Mr. Ed
You're the most surreal thing I've seen since coming here
How much'd that face cost?
--------------------
Original Lyrics © Theodor Seuss Geisel. All Rights Not Mine.
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch,
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your hearts an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders,
you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch,
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot Pole!

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness
of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch,
Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You're a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks,
Your soul is full of gunk
Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk"!

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch,
You're the king of sinful sots,
Your hearts a dead tomato splotched
with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap
overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment
of deplorable rubbish imaginable
mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,
With a nauseous super "naus"!,
You're a crooked jerky jockey
and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch,
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce!
------------------------------
Meh. I was doing good for a while. I think. Off to find more ideas...
And sorry, but Ed's the closest thing to a villain MT has.
-Wordsmith
"Three sizes too small? Why three?"
Heheh... I believe I will enjoy this thread...

W00t! The Forumites' Refrain
From "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"


"W00t!" The forumites' refrain,
"Fred's updated once again!
Hurry to the MDT,
Let him know that we did see."
N00b and old come and take part
Joined in praise of Fred's new art
Flaws are left for later posts -
Now see who fanboys the most!
"W00t!" The forumites' refrain,
"Fred's updated once again!"

Page or two now in the books,
Further detail gets new looks
Speculation running wild
Criticism still reviled
See the theories, here and there,
Countless people add their share....
In the end, we still don't know
How the comic's gonna go
"W00t!" The forumites' refrain,
"Fred's updated once again!"

Sabyr now presents his speech
More critique it does beseech
Some agree, while some refuse
On it goes as still more choose
Discussion now rages high
'Til the next comic draws nigh
On and on without relent,
Welcome to the main event!
"W00t!" The forumites' refrain,
"Fred's updated once again!"
Not truly filk, as it isn't a song.
But it's Christmassy, and I worked on it quite long.

And now I can't escape these couplets of rhyme.
I hope my brain ain't stuck like this for all time!

(I 'pologize if I've put words they've not said,
to users who posted their thoughts in this thread.

I needed some appropriate names, you see,
and it struck me that these people all could agree

That missing deadlines was not kosher since Fred
had taken webcomics full time on his head.)

And now is the time that I release to you
the madness that struck me last night around 2:

'Twas the Night Before Update

'Twas the night before update and all 'cross the site
everybody was waiting their hopes burning bright

These fanfolk were wakeful, not snug in their beds
while visions of new comics danced in their heads

Their fingers hov'rd o'er F5 keys with care
in hopes that, next refresh, the page would be there.

And I with my browser, and coffee (decaf)
had just settled down to await the new laugh.

When in SD forums there arose such a clatter
I clicked on the thread to see what was the matter

I sprang to my keyboard, my mouse, and flatscreen
opened a new window to see what it could mean.

The monitor's glow on the top of my work
revealed the extent that I'd already shirk'd

Yet, clicking the homepage, I scrolled down so far,
to see Fred had updated his status bar.

"Status Complete" was still on 62
I knew in a moment he'd pushed back "Time due"

More rapid than eagles, complainers they came
to say, "he's a pro now, this slippage is lame!"

Here's Lowrider, Cynwash, and Vexx to chime in,
Basroil and Sabyr both say, "It's a sin!

"What good is a deadline that he can just move?
"Oh, and his art and plot need to improve!"

Since for every action, the reaction's equal
their posts brought out rabid fanboys for the sequel

So into the thread, angered forumites flew
to say, "So what? You don't like it? We do!"

And then in a twinkling, a new thread began
wond'ring if our heroes would soon leave Japan?

As I readied myself to compose a reply
Lo and behold: there came the Stick Guy!

He was rough trackball lines, from his head to his feet
And the pain that he brought us was very complete

"Two weeks' SGD strips!" he said with a laugh!
While forumites stocked up on bleach for eye-bath.

But Fred – soon he posted, and in it he said
that forumites really had nothing to dread:

"Dom's just being naughty, his own kind of fun,
torturing you since the comic's not done."

"I really am working to put something here,
You need not an SGD marathon fear!"

And from the SD rose a sigh of relief
the reign of this SGD strip would be brief.

So the forumites returned to gross speculation
as to whether PxK was doomed to frustration.

And who started the whole fanboy riot and why?
And what's with that blimp floating 'round in the sky?

Would we get a real comic, or just DPD?
And would it be worthy of loving CG?

When would Fred reveal what had happened to Ping?
or if Miho's evil as Merciless Ming?

I gave up on updates, and reading the thread,
and decided 'twas past time for me to abed.

But I saw Fred post, ere I logged off for the night:

"The new page is up. I hope it's alright."

Riffster
Stop me! Before I rhyme again!! ohmy.gif

edit: added two commas, removed an apostrophe and an unpaired parenthesis. The filk's prognosis is good - we rarely get secondary infections after operations like this. As for the filker, he seems to be responding well to medication and aggressive radiation therapy. huh.gif happy.gif
(and thanks for the kind words MWS!)
Riffster - Nice job on that one. You beat me to it. And yes, I think it /does/ count as a filk. I also find myself speaking in couplets after rhyming too much.
Even haiku, once
That was a very strange time
Many people fled.

And since I have too much time, and as vengeance upon myself for writing this thing in the reply box and then accidentally closing the tab in Firefox... -.-;
--------------------------
The Little Gunner Boy (V. 2.0)

"Dom," he told me (Ba bam ba bam bam)
"Think I unleashed zombies" (Ba bam ba bam bam)
"Please go and fetch old Ed" (Ba bam ba bam bam)
"Then come and crack some heads" (Ba bam ba bam bam, bam ba bam bam, bam bam bam bam)
"Please bring many guns" (Ba bam ba bam bam)
"When you come"

On a slowboat (Ba bam ba bam bam)
I almost shot my friend (Kerchak! Bam bam bam)
He says he did not bring (Ba bam ba bam bam)
Weapons to hunt down "Ping" (Ba bam ba bam bam, bam ba bam bam, bam bam bam bam)
Just for zombies (Ba bam ba bam bam)
Or so he says.

Teaching Largo (The hell? Bam. Bam! BAM!)
A most disturbing sight (Ba bam ba bam bam)
Pity upon the kids (Ba bam ba bam bam)
And on the power grids (Ba bam ba bam bam, bam ba bam bam, bam bam bam bam)
Down to meet the horde (Ba bam ba bam bam)
With our guns...
---------------------
Ih. Just pretend it works, okay?
I didn't get much sleep today

-Wordsmith
"Twas the night before update and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring but me and my mouse."
Meh-gah-to-ki-yo!
Meh-gah-to-ki-yo!
Megatokyo, watashi baka hontoni!

We're just a forum full of crazies,
We're just a forum full of crazies.
We're just a forum full of crazies
and it's all Piro's fault!

-------------------------------

Okay okay, that was cheap and lazy, yeah. And in case anyone was wondering, the original lyrics are here.

Anyway... now for our feature presentation (apologies in advance for the suckage):

Anarchy
Apologies to Jay Livingston and Ray Evans


Anarchy... anarchy...
Largo's not wearing any pants...
Filled with ph34r, Piro draws near
And thus is the start of a day

Computers burning, turtles burping,
Plasma weapons discharge
All in a day in the streets of Tokyo...

People screaming, robots weeping,
And an idol revealed...
This just can't end very well...

Anarchy... (Anarchy...) Anarchy... (Anarchy...)
We need more air fresheners...
And through it all... Miho has a ball
'tis after all her own game

Hearts are broken, ruins smokin'
Foreigner falls in love,
Afterall it's not only the rail card...

Baka gaijin, lift up your chin
take heart take a chance...
For all you know it's your lucky day...

Anarchy... (Anarchy...) Anarchy... (Anarchy...)
Chaos runs free in this city...
Add to the fun (add to the fun) two men with guns (look at those guns!)
Plus a large telephone pole!

Anarchy... (Anarchy...) Anarchy... (Anarchy...)
When fin'ly comes night to Tokyo...
Sonada roams (Sonada roams) back to his home (lacking aplomb)
"Damn... what a day..."

---------------------------------------------
Original Lyrics:

Silver Bells

Silver bells, silver bells
it's Christmas time in the city
ring-a-ling, hear them ring
soon it will be Christmas day!

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
dressed in holiday style
in the air there's a feeling of Christmas!

Children laughing, people passing
meeting smile after smile
and on every street corner you'll hear

Silver bells ( silver bells! ) silver bells ( silver bells! )
it's Christmas time in the city
ring-a-ling ( ring-a-ling! ) hear them ring ( hear them ring!! )
soon it will be Christmas day!

Strings of street lights, even stop lights
blink of bright red an' green
as the shoppers rush home with their treasures!

Hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch
this is Santa's big scene
and above all this bustle you'll hear

Silver bells ( silver bells! ) silver bells ( silver bells! )
it's Christmas time in the city
ring-a-ling ( ring-a-ling! ) hear them ring ( hear them ring!! )
soon it will be Christmas day!

Silver bells ( silver bells! ) silver bells ( silver bells! )
it's Christmas time in the city
ring-a-ling ( ring-a-ling! ) hear them ring ( hear them ring!! )
soon . . . to fade
Oh Ninja Boy!

Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
It's time to snuff leet Largo.
Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
It's time to snuff leet Largo.
The authorities say he causes crime,
And want him drowned in vats of slime.
Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
It's time to snuff leet Largo.

Oh Head Ninja, Oh Head Ninja,
In this I can't oblige ya.
Oh Head Ninja, Oh Head Ninja,
In this I can't oblige ya.
Resepctfully I must decline,
He teaches wisdom most sublime.
Oh Head Ninja, Oh Head Ninja,
In this I can't oblige ya.

Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
Your answer was expected.
Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
Your answer was expected.
The nutjob is your concern prime,
So I have sent one who works part-time.
Oh Ninja Boy, Oh Ninja Boy,
Your answer was expected.

*****

Oh, Christmas Tree!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
How steadfast are your branches!
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
How steadfast are your branches!
Your boughs are green in summer's clime
And through the snows of wintertime.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
How steadfast are your branches!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
What happiness befalls me?
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
What happiness befalls me?
When oft at joyous Christmastime
Your form inspires my song and rhyme.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
What happiness befalls me ?

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
Your boughs can teach a lesson.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
Your boughs can teach a lesson.
That constant faith and hope sublime
Lend strength and comfort through all time.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
Your boughs can teach a lesson
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Mayhem

It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem
Ev'rywhere you turn
There's a turtle getting drunk, a robot who smells like gunk
With an angry visage; won't Gameru learn?

It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem
Fanboys 'round the store
But they're starting to be controlled because Largo is so bold
As to fight them more

To see sad girls in snow while suffering angsty woe
Is the thing that Piro desires
And the only real thing that our robot friend Ping
Wants is help in putting out fires
And nine times out of ten I'd say that Dom and Ed are liars

It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem
Ev'ry place you see
There's a zilla outside the school, and one with that l33t f00l
But let there be a smaller one for me

It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem
Sirens soon will wail
And the thing that will make them start is not some fool's warm heart
But Largo out of jail.
---------------------------
Woo. Didn't think I'd be able to pull that off.
-Word
Original lyrics? Fine....
------------------------------
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again
With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Toys in ev'ry store,
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door.

A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben;
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well,
The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Soon the bells will start,
And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart.
Hooray for Christmas filks!
Last year's was the scene of my first ever filk... *wipes away a drop of nostalgia

The hapless victim is known only as Escarpment...

Gaijin in the Fray
(Apologies to Mr. Richard)
-------------------------------

Went there on a whim, annoyed Seraphim,
Their credit's maxed, and their future looks grim.
Dreams of manga, dreams of b33r,
Girls so cute, ch1x0rs to ph34r.

Christmas day, gaijin in the fray
Should be working, really at play
With pants you can burn for a warm Yuletide glow
And blankets to wrap all the sad girls in snow.


Outside and shiv'ring 'till Erika's giving,
With Miho clashing, is she living?
Piro working to get them home faster,
Largo plays teacher and Junpei's L33t Master.

Christmas day, gaijin in the fray
Should be working, really at play
With pants you can burn for a warm Yuletide glow
And blankets to wrap all the sad girls in snow.


A place of healing, a place of learning,
Their tickets home they will have to be earning.
Wish I could save, can't get it right,
See foes all 'round yet with allies we fight.

Christmas day, gaijin in the fray
Should be working, really at play
With pants you can burn for a warm Yuletide glow
And blankets to wrap all the sad girls in snow.


Christmas day, gaijin in the fray
Should be working, really at play
With pants you can burn for a warm Yuletide glow
And blankets to wrap all the sad girls in snow.
Sometimes the most memorable holidays are the ones you didn't plan for. It's weird to think that this will be the fourth Christmas we've had Piney Flats to kick around. (The "Piney Flats Cycle," and the significance of slivovitz, Pat's, mohair hats, etc., has been with us for a bit. Explanations upon request.)

Note: this is 100X more fun when sung aloud with several friends after finishing a few bottles of you-know-what.

My Tire Blew Out (a Piney Flats Christmas carol) to the tune of "I Saw Three Ships"

Cue instrumental accompanyment here.

My tire blew out in Piney Flats,
A small town that's in Tennessee;
My tire blew out in Piney Flats,
One Christmas Eve, in the morning.

I swore and cursed my rotten luck,
That I was stuck in Piney Flats;
I swore and cursed my rotten luck,
That Christmas Eve, in the morning.

And as I pondered with a frown,
The whole damn town of Piney Flats,
And as I pondered with a frown,
The whole town came out, that morning.

They helped push my car to the shop
(The only shop in Piney Flats),
They helped push my car to the shop
In Piney Flats, in the morning.

The shop said it would take a day
("No f---ing way! To fix a TIRE?!")
The shop said it would take a day
In Piney Flats, 'til next morning.

I went to Pat's to get some joe
And drown my woes, and pass the time;
I went to Pat's to get some joe
In Piney Flats, in the morning.

And Pat said "Please give this a try,
O won't you try our slivovitz?";
Yes, Pat said "Please give this a try,
Some slivovitz, this cold morning."

And I said "Sure, I'm here all day,"
What else to say, on Christmas Eve?
And I said "Sure, I'm here all day,
In Piney Flats, 'til the morning."

They brought it in a tiny glass,
The slivovitz of Piney Flats;
They brought it in a tiny glass,
In Piney Flats that cold morning.

And though fireplace was stoked,
It steamed and smoked, this slivovitz;
And though fireplace was stoked,
It steamed and smoked, that cold morning.

I closed my eyes and drank it down,
I drank it down, the slivovitz;
I closed my eyes and drank it down,
In Piney Flats that cold morning.

My eyes bulged out like bocce balls,
Like bocce balls, in some cartoon;
My eyes bulged out like bocce balls,
From slivovitz in the morning.

And then I felt my lips go numb,
My voice voice go dumb, from slivovitz;
And then I felt my lips go numb,
In Piney Flats that cold morning.

So Pat brought me another glass,
And like an ass, I drank it too;
So Pat brought me another glass
Of slivovitz that cold morning.

And then I felt quite fine inside,
A warm riptide, from slivovitz;
And then I felt quite fine inside,
In Piney Flats that cold morning.

I said, "This is a lovely drink,
That's what I think, this slivovitz";
I said, "This is a lovely drink,
Do you have more, this fine morning?"

So Pat rolled out a mighty keg,
So honkin' big, on tractor treads!;
So Pat rolled out a mighty keg
Of slivovitz that fine morning.

And so I whiled the day away,
So far away in Piney Flats;
And so I whiled the day away,
All Christmas Eve into evening.

And as the evening darkness fell --
Hey! What the hell?! Those spiny BATS!!
And as the evening darkness fell
I saw those bats all that evening!

I leapt about and swung my arms
To stave off harm from spiny bats;
I leapt about and swung my arms
To stave off harm all that evening.

'Twas then I think my coat caught fire,
As I leapt higher to find escape,
'Twas then I think my coat caught fire,
To find escape all that evening;

As I began to twist and shout,
And writhe about, the townsfolk watched;
As I began to twist and shout
The townsfolk watched all that evening.

The flame, it grew from one small spark,
And lit the dark of Piney Flats,
The flame, it grew from one small spark
And lit the dark of that evening.

The townsfolk watched in silent awe,
And hanging jaws, to see my dance;
The townsfolk watched in silent awe
In Piney Flats all that evening.

They thought my dance a wondrous thing,
So they did sing, that Christmas Eve;
They thought my dance a wondrous thing,
So they did sing, that wild evening.

And that is all I can recall
Before my fall into Pat's vat;
And that is all I can recall
Before my fall, that wild evening.

As I regained my consciousness,
I was hairless, and smelt of smoke;
As I regained my consciousness
I was hairless, Christmas morning.

The town's menfolk had donned their spats
And mohair hats, their Sunday best;
The town's menfolk had donned their spats
And mohair hats, Christmas morning.

I almost laughed to see this sight,
Oh so contrite, they peered at me;
I almost laughed to see this sight,
To see these guys, Christmas morning.

They said, "We're sorry that you fell,
But, oh Hell's bells, you were such fun!"
They said, "We're sorry that you fell,
"But you were fun, that wild evening!

"But tell us all that we can do,
So you won't sue, we meant no harm;
But tell us all that we can do,
To make up for that wild evening."

I told them there was no harm done,
That I'd had fun in Piney Flats;
I told them there was no harm done,
That I'd had fun that wild evening.

And so I stayed in Piney Flats
To dine on sprats that Christmas Day;
And so I stayed in Piney Flats
To dine, and listen to Jolson.

And if you still are reading this,
I'd ask you this, just one small thing:
And if you still are reading this,
I'd ask for one thing this Christmas:

To raise a glass to Piney Flats,
The small town that's in Tennessee;
To raise a glass to Piney Flats,
Of slivovitz, Christmas morning.

(Apologies to the talented, prolific, and ever-popular Anonymous, to say nothing of the subjects of this lovely song. A joyous Christmas unto thee, kind reader.)

I Saw Three Ships

I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day?
And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas Day in the morning?

The Virgin Mary and Christ were there,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
The Virgin Mary and Christ were there,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

Pray, wither sailed those ships all three,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
Pray, wither sailed those ships all three,
On Christmas Day in the morning?

O they sailed into Bethlehem,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
O they sailed into Bethlehem,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And all the bells on earth shall ring,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
And all the bells on earth shall ring,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And all the Angels in Heaven shall sing,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
And all the Angels in Heaven shall sing,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And all the souls on earth shall sing,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
And all the souls on earth shall sing,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

Then let us all rejoice again,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
Then let us all rejoice again,
On Christmas Day in the morning.
...and here's my little contribution to this worthy thread:

Get Yourself A Scrappy Little Angel

Get yourself a scrappy little angel,
Wouldn't that be nice?
She'd sit on your shoulder
And give you advice!

Get yourself a scrappy little angel
Who thinks you're a wuss,
Get one who could teach
A sailor how to cuss.

When you sit and think about your life,
Your pathetic life, you angst,
She could get you moving once again
With a kick right in the pants.

Through the years she'll
Keep your head together,
Helping you somehow,
Get a grip and you
Won't need to have a cow,
And get yourself
A scrappy little angel now.

==============================================
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
(lyrics & music by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light,
From now on our troubles will
Be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on our troubles
Will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough.
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.
Songs from The Nightmare before Christmas count as christmas songs, right? Well, I continue my abuse of that film's soundtrack with a Filk Guy Monk strip of the Town Meeting Song, wherein Jack tries to describe to the habitants of the town of Halloween the wonderous things he spied in Christmas Land.

user posted image

The Town Meeting Song
By Danny Elfman

Listen everyone!
There were objects so peculiar, the were not to be believed
All around things to tantalize my brain.
It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen
And as hard as I try I can't seem to describe,
Like the most improbable dream.
But you must believe when I tell you this
It's as real as my skull and it does exist.
Here, let me show you…
This is a thing called a present,
The whole thing starts with a box.
A box? Is it steel? Are there locks?
Is it filled with a pox? A pox?
How delightful, a pox!
If you please!
Just a box with bright-coloured paper,
And the whole thing is topped with a box.
A bow? But why?
How ugly!
What's in it? What's in it?
That's the point, not to know.
It's a bat! Will it bend?
It's a rat! Will it break?
Perhaps it's the head that I found in the lake.
Listen now, you don't understand
That's not the point of Christmas land.
Now, pay attention.
We pick up an over-sized sock
and hang it like this on the wall.
Oh, yes. Does it still have a foot?
Let me see, let me look.
Is it rotted and covered with gook?
Uh, let me explain.
There's no foot inside, but there's candy!
Or sometimes it's filled with small toys.
Small toys? Do they bite? Do they snap?
Or explode in the sack?
Perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys.
What a splendid idea
This Christmas sounds fun
I fully endorse it
Let's try it at once!
Everyone, please! Now, not so fast.
There's something here that you don't quite grasp.
(Well, I may as well give them what they want…)
And the best, I must confess
I have saved for the last.
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep might voice
Least that's what I've come to understand.
And I've also hear it told that he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red.
When he sets out his sleigh with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms.
That is, so I've hear it said.
And on a dark, cold night, under the full moonlight
He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky
And they call him Sandy Claws
(evil laugh)
Well, at least they're excited, but they don't understand
That special kind of feeling in Christmas land
Oh, well.
Here's more proof I'm really not good at this filking stuff. If you've seen my other works (which you probably haven't) you'll know I'm random and tend to take that whole poetic liscence thing a bit closer to butchering the language. Anyway, We Three Kings, two versions. First one's done, Piro version might come later if I can get anything; I'm a big closer to the Largo end of the spectrum I think. As far as a setting, some random MMORPG... NWN maybe?

(See note on first verse at end)

We two geeks of 'Merica are
Seeking games; we traverse afar
Breaking arms and risking harms
Force feedback flies me far

Chorus:
O game of p0w4h, game of m1igh7
Game with graphics rendered right
B33r is fleeting, foes need beating
Let me play you through the night

Owned a n00b at level one
Used his cash to buy a big gun
Level climbing, must stop rhyming
Need to hurry along

Chorus

Now's the time for the boss to die
I wield my sword, and damaging high
Like games o' th'past, I kick his ass
(I don't like that first part of it)
Whilst teammates all stand by

Chorus

Ph34r the times of impending doom
I sweep you aside, just as with a broom
My rank's climbing, n00bs are trying
To get spots in my group

Chorus

Glorious now behold me arise
As my levels climb through the skies
Largo, Largo, Largo, Largo
Sounds mid-dead bosses' cries

Chorus


I'd actually like it if someone did a proper version of something along these lines. If I can come up with something based off the limited bit of Piro's background I can connect with, I'll give it a go.

(Note on first verse: this will be for both versions. Referense here is to the stips "break your other arm for matching set?" and "She shot me!" (too lazy to get real titles))
Continuing this rousing round of caroling:

Get A Life

Oh the idol inside's an eyeful,
But you fans are very frightful,
Do you have to cause so much strife?
Get A Life! Get A Life! Get A Life!

Could you possibly get more loony,
With your hairy-legged kigurumi?
This fanboy behavior's too rife,
Get A Life! Get A Life! Get A Life!

Just one warning to you I'll give:
You had better not try to swarm,
'Cuz I've found out where you all live,
And a ninja may do you harm!

While my efforts she tries rejecting,
This woman I'm protecting,
Though my words may cut like a knife,
Get A Life! Get A Life! Get A Life!

===========================================
Let It Snow
Lyrics by Sammy Cahn


Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I've bought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
Hopin' to kick-start some more filkage - this thread's been great.^^

The Autograph Song

MT panel at a local con,
Fans all packed in row-on-row,
Crowd control being handled by Dom,
And guys cross-dressed as Piroko.

Everybody knows some turkey will cause open war,
By asking for some Miho-porn,
A girl with a bat everybody calls Char,
Will make him wish he wasn't born.

They know that Piro's on his way;
He's got a lot of index cards he'll sign today,
And every MT fan will stand in line,
For a cartoon drawn by Fred to their design.

And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
Hoping you'll all show some smarts,
Although Fred will sign many times, many ways,
He won't sign bod-ee parts.
Rent-a-Zilla is Ravaging the Town

You gotta watch out
You better run away
Better start praying
And I'll tell you why:
Rent-a-Zilla is ravaging the town

It's destroying buildings
left and right
Doesn't really care if you're in them or not
Rent-a-Zilla is ravaging the town

It sees the tanks and copters
It knows when to run away
It doesn't see you beneath him
So run away for Piro's sake!

O! You gotta watch out!
You better run away
Better start praying
And I'll tell you why:
Rent-a-Zilla is ravaging the town
Rent-a-Zilla is ravaging the town
Thanks for the help finding the lyrics. Whatever my original idea was, I no longer know. My muse erased it and replaced it with this. Hope you enjoy (and if you don't, blame Wordsmith for finding me the lyrics ^^)

Christmas Madcap

"Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong
'Cause it is my favorite city
But all this year's been a busy blur
Don't think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just 'cause it's 'tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from

Last year, manga store,
Encounter, most interesting.
Had his number but never the time
Most of '04 passed along those lines.

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I just need to catch my breath,
Christmas with Gorion this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, saw him again,
Would've been good to go for lunch,
Couldn't believe that he'd be free,
I tried, I wanted to keep in touch.

Didn't, of course, 'til summertime,
Out to the arcade, could I join him?
No, this time it was me,
Shyness in the third degree.

Now the calendar's just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Tonight's the night, but I've set my mind
Not to do too much about it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I'm bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do's
A few cards a few calls
'Cause it's r-s-v-p
No thanks, no party Lights
It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

Last fall I had a night to myself,
Some guy called, Halloween party,
Waited all night for him to show,
Contract bounty offer, so he didn't go,

Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late,
Trudge on home to celebrate
With the family, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

Fred has provided me
With the world's largest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what he forgot?

So on with the boots, sad girl in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that ninja I've been chasing all year!

"Spending this one alone," he said.
"Need break; this year's been crazy."
I said, "Me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot cranberries too?"

Then suddenly we laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
That Christmas magic's brought this tale
To a very fangirl ending! "

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!


Christmas Wrapping
The Waitresses

"Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong
'Cause it is my favorite holiday
But all this year's been a busy blur
Don't think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just 'cause it's 'tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from

Last year, ski shop,
Encounter, most interesting.
Had his number but never the time
Most of '81 passed along those lines.

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I just need to catch my breath,
Christmas by myself this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, saw him again,
Would've been good to go for lunch,
Couldn't agree when we were both free,
We tried, we said we'd keep in touch.

Didn't, of course, 'til summertime,
Out to the beach to his boat could I join him?
No, this time it was me,
Sunburn in the third degree.

Now the calendar's just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Tonight's the night, but I've set my mind
Not to do too much about it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do's
A few cards a few calls
'Cause it's r-s-v-p
No thanks, no party lights
It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

Last fall I had a night to myself,
Same guy called, halloween party,
Waited all night for him to show,
This time his car wouldn't go,

Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late,
Trudge on home to celebrate
In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

A&P has provided me
With the world's smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!

"I'm spending this one alone," he said.
"Need a break; this year's been crazy."
I said, "Me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot cranberries too?"
Then suddenly we laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
That Christmas magic's brought this tale
To a very happy ending! "

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Do j00 see what I see?

Said the gamer to the ninja man
Do j00 see what I see
On that rooftop there, ninja man?
Do j00 see what I see
A gun, a gun, glimmering so bright
Firing it plunges us into night
Though the plasma is ever so bright

Said the ninja man to the robot toy
Do j00 hear what I hear?
Whistling through the sky, robot toy?
Do j00 hear what I hear?
A drunk, a drunk, hurtling through space
'cause he went and breathed on your face
'Cause he went and breathed on your face

Said the robot toy to the manga-ka
Do you know what I know?
'bout the goings on, near and far
Do you know what I know?
Suff'ring, and pain, above and below
Why must people suffer such woe?
Why can friend not embrace his foe?

Said the manga-ka to the loyal fans
Read ye here what I say
Be ye chile, hamster or grown man
Read ye here what I say
Spread peace and joy all throughout your world
Do not pop the balloons of a girl
Instead let this wisdom unfurl

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