<In literature, my creative writing teacher had said that the color gray symbolized sadness and confusion. I think that it's funny that I, for the most part, am doomed to live most of my live seeing through nearly-colorblind eyes, through shades of gray. Shades of sadness and confusion, if you will. It's almost ironic, because nowadays, I'm not sad or confused at all. For the present, I'm content, but not truly happy. I haven't really reached nirvana yet, but I haven't reached depression, either. It's a neutral state. I say this because my thoughts often turn to a new acquaintance of mine.

Her name's Kannazuki Kotone. My thoughts seem so permanently set on her that I wonder if I've gone insane or not. But I know I'm not going insane because I use that as a reason to perform well at my job. I know I'm not, I'm probably just falling for her. It seems like fallacy, but what other reason is there for this obsession of sorts?

It's sorta scary. I started this entry writing about color symbolism and drift toward the topic of Kotone. What exactly does this mean? It doesn't make any sense at all, right? It's what those Western wackos call nonsequitur - it does not follow. It does not follow at all.

I've been mulling over reasons as to why I've fallen for her - she's kind, caring, and she's one of like, what, five people who can actually empathize with me. But the way she does it... I can't express it in words. Not on this piece of paper.

It really sounds like what fan fiction writers call Gary Stus - live a seemingly bland life, write in a diary and also have a book of dark poetry, have several girls for my friends who really do look like they care, so I care back. It's the Golden Rule.

And it's funny, unnerving, and cliché.
God help me.>

-04.11.04


-¤-

Reading the last three words from his latest entry, Kannazuki Kotone closed the diary and put it back on his desk with trembling fingers. Tears slowly dripped from her eyes, thoughts swimming around in her mind: is this what he truly feels about me?

About himself?

The door opened, and a young man stood in the doorway, silhouetted by the light pouring into the barely lit room. Kotone wiped her tears quickly, and formed a false gentle smile.

She turned to face him. The silhouetted man was oblivious to what just happened.

"<Damn, you look wonderful tonight,>" he commented. "<Ready to go?>"

Kotone could only nod once and step forward.

FIN

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