Rainbow over Megatokyo
or When Rabid Fans Attack
Fred Gallagher was a comic artist. Nobody really knew him, save for a few thousand fans on-line, but they probably didn't count. He was just finishing up his latest piece, Sad Alien Monster in the Snow, when the doorbell rang.
When Fred opened the door, the third thing he noticed were two teenage girls glaring at him. The second thing he noticed were the brightly pink fatigues. The first thing he noticed were the two shotguns aimed at him.
"Can I… help you?" Fred asked a tad uncertainly.
"I'm Yuri and this is Yaoi," said the girl on the left. "We're fans of your comic series."
"Oh," said Fred, giving a weak smile. "That's nice."
Yaoi cocked her shotgun and pointed it very deliberately at Fred's head. "Unfortunately, we feel that certain minorities are very much underrepresented."
Fred gulped. "Oh… err… I'm very sorry."
Yuri smiled. She was obviously playing the role of the slightly less bad cop. "Don't worry. We're going to help you… rectify… this mistake."
Piro woke up and looked out the window to see a huge rainbow outside. He smiled to himself, thinking that it was a very nice way to start the day.
As he gathered up his clothes and prepared himself a minimalist breakfast, he could hear vague moaning coming from somewhere behind the cardboard barriers Largo had put up. There were words somewhere between all the moaning, but Piro could only filter out the word "Miho" time and time again.
Thinking nothing of it, Piro left the apartment and walked down towards the Megagamers store.
When Piro got there, he immediately felt like turning around and running away again. Hanging on the counter, one finger constantly twirling a lock of hair from one her ponytails, was Yuki. She seemed to be busy talking to Erika and, more importantly, hadn't noticed Piro yet. Turning around stealthily, Piro started tip-toeing away when…
"Piro, you're late. Again."
Piro swore under his breath. He didn't swear much, but thought that this was a special occasion.
"Sorry Erika," he said, trying to grin innocently.
Erika just frowned at him. "You live upstairs from here. How on Earth can you still manage to be late?"
Piro laughed nervously. "Well… you know… Hey! Nice outfit! Very… orange. Makes you look like an American cheerleader. Not that you would know since you've never been to the US of A, but…"
The sentence trailed off and died in the face of Erika's blank stare.
"I'll just start working then," he mumbled.
Erika just nodded.
"<Oh, Piro?>" Yuki asked.
Piro swore for the second time today. It wasn't turning out to be such a nice day after all.
"<Yes Yuki?>" Piro said in his best Japanese.
"<About… the art lessons.>"
"<Yes?>" Piro said, while not looking Yuki directly in the eyes and noticing that she wore a T-shirt with the captioning "Dip in me in honey…"
"<I… won't be taking them any more.>"
Piro looked up, stunned. "<What? But we've never even… I mean… huh?>"
Yuki looked down, guilt playing on her face. "<It's just… I've found something… better. I'm sorry.>"
Piro laughed with relief. "<Don't worry about it. It's err… I don't mind.>"
Yukie smiled relieved, and then turned her attention back to Erika again.
"I'll go restock the shelves then," Piro said.
Erika didn't respond, being much more interested in talking to Yuki. Or just Yuki.
Piro was stocking the shelves with the new game "Sight", which had already caused a wave of excitement throughout Japan on account of it being the first black-and-whi… the first dating sim by lesbians for lesbians. He was quietly humming to himself, thoughts of girls in school uniforms playing through his head. On some level, he was vaguely aware of the fact that this was usually the time for Seraphim to show up and talk some sense into him.
Little did Piro know, however, that Seraphim was being held captive by Asmo- that Seraphim had met Asmodeus' sister and that she was now showing the CEA operative that there was a certain harmony in the Yin-Yang position.
Piro's quiet musings were disturbed with a very unwelcome voice penetrating his personal space.
"Piro, d00d, I need your h3lp."
Piro groaned. "I was hoping I could go a day without seeing you," he said. "Where were you last night anyway?"
"I was over at Junpei's, teaching him some l33t Mortal Komb- showing him the finer points of l33t anal loving."
Piro winced. "Too much information, Largo."
"D00d, you shouldn't have asked then. Anyway, 3v1l has befallen…"
Piro sighed. "Not the zombie hordes again, Largo. How many times do I have to tell you they're not real?"
"I'm not talking about zombies. I can handle zombies. I'm talking about something much worse."
"Worse than zombies?"
"Texan homophobes," Largo said solemnly.
Piro gave him a blank look. He was well aware that it wasn't nearly as impressive as Erika's blank looks, but he was hoping it'd intimidate Largo all the same.
"Go away," Piro said, when he figured the blank stare wasn't working.
"Come on, I need some serious w34p0n5 here."
"You're not going to find them here. Unless you mean Ping, but I really object to you using her as a siege weapon."
Largo snorted. "I wouldn't even touch the Zombie Queen's good fri- sex slave with a ten foot pole."
"Sex slave?" Piro said sceptically. "Have you completely lost it? Ping's a non-H model, remember?"
"Yeah, for male end users, maybe," Largo said. "Now, can we get back to the w34p0n5, please?"
"Wait, what do you mean by 'male end users'?"
Largo gave an exasperated sigh. "Never mind. j0, Erika!"
Piro watched him go. Ever since Largo came to Japa- embraced the beauty of male/male love, he'd been getting stranger and stranger.
Piro was spending his lunch break in the nearest comic book store he could find. He was about halfway through their shoujo section when the hairs at the back of his neck stood up in fright. He turned around slowly, already knowing who was standing behind him.
"Hello Piro," Miho said with a smile that radiated a kind of malevolent innocence.
"Hi Miho," Piro said nervously.
Miho took a step closer to Piro. Piro took a step back.
"I need your help, Piro," Miho whispered huskily.
Piro swallowed. "Oh?" he all but squeaked.
Miho reached out with her hand and traced Piro's lips and jaw bone with her fingers.
"I need you to have sex with me."
Piro's brain, already having much difficulty in "normal" conversations with Miho, now really gave up and ran away to hide.
"Huh?" Piro said.
Miho moved closer as if to kiss Piro, but moved her mouth so she could whisper in his ear instead. "Ping has given me so much. I want to give her something back."
"Oh?" said Piro. Then managed to squeeze out another "What?"
"She wants to be a mother. I intend to help her with that."
It was at that point that Piro's body, with no help from Piro's brain whatsoever, ran out of the store screaming his head off.
Piro ended up in the park. He wasn't quite sure which park it was. He wasn't even sure if he was still in Tokyo to begin with.
He tried to retrace his steps when he suddenly found himself in a small clearing and was met with a strangely comforting sight. Namely that of Ed and Dom pointing guns at each other.
Then his brains decided to come out of hiding, noticed the large amounts of phallic symbolism going on and ran away again.
Piro took a moment to curse his brain and decided to take up drinking.
"Hey guys," Piro said in what he hoped was a cheerful tone.
Ed and Dom slowly lowered their guns and looked at him. Or glaring more like.
"Did I… interrupt something?" Piro asked.
"I don't know," said Dom. "Maybe if you consider barging in on a very private moment 'interrupting'."
Piro gave a nervous smile. "But… you point guns at each other all the time. I wouldn't call that very private."
"Yes, but now we were pointing guns at each in a very secluded area," Dom said. "There's a subtle difference."
"Oh? What's that then?"
The blank stares that were sent Piro's way weren't as good as Erika's, but since there were two of them they were almost as effective.
"On second thought, I don't think I want to know," Piro said.
"No," said Dom. "You don't."
"I'll just be going now."
"You do that."
The skies were turning purple when Piro had finally made it back to the apartment. It was completely empty of life, simulated or otherwise. A discreet note on the table told Piro that Ping was off to take another bath with Miho. She seemed to be doing that a lot these days.
Sighing, Piro undressed and got into bed. It was tough being "different". All around him people were doing the things they wanted, but he couldn't because people would frown on it. Sometimes, being straight really, really sucked.
Fred waited very carefully until he could hear his front door slamming shut again. He then waited for five more minutes before he calmly went on-line and sent out a private message.
<<Hey Fred. Need something again?>>
<<You guessed it.>>
<<Well… I'm all out of jokes, but I'll come up with something.>>
<<No, I'm not talking about an SGD.>>
<<Oh… you want me to take out another forum troll, is that it?>>
Behind his keyboard, Fred grinned with sinister glee.
<<Something like that.>>