Welcome to this filk/stage presentation of A Night at the Cave, filked from the entirety of Queen's A Night at the Opera. First, forget most of what's happened the last few chapters, and place your mindset in the Chapter 1 or 2 mold, because this is a rendition of the events in the Cave of Evil as we'd have expected it then, more or less. Miho, Ping, Piro, Largo, Yuki, and L33t D00d are all present, though Boo has been left outside, and Largo and Miho are about to verbally spar with each other. The ravers gather around them - they've seen this before...

Largo vs. Miho Part I {Death on Two Legs}

{Largo, l33t d00d backup}
You trick these foolz with your games,
You try to make me so l4m3,
Screw with brains 'til they're yours,
You released all these zombies and you want more.
Age-old vampire where's your funeral pyres?
With your hijacked-PC cronies you're a liar
Of the first division.
D34th on two legs tearing friends apart.
D34th on two legs you never had a heart of your own.
Camper, undead, spawn muncher, cursed!
What of the rule-books you bend?
Are you using my friend to replace me -
Can't you face me?
But now you will be 0wnz0r3d.
Feel l33t - have we pwned you?
Do you feel like seppuku? {Ravers}(He's so rude!)
{L}Has your psyche been rocked?
Is your plot still a lock?
Do you feel good - feel good!

{Ping spins onstage to back up Miho, their movements are perfectly coordinated}
Talk like you're a new-age Shakespeare
So you try to teach us to fear
But we all know your a loon,
You're just an overgrown school-boy
Let me tan your hide!
See your keyboard get cracked,
Now I know your a hack
Put your money where your mouth is Mr. know all
You're really just like the vampires that you're fighting (owned!)
Death on two legs - rotting in your mind,
Death on two legs, you've never had a life of your own.
Insane, you should be put inside,
I'll bet Piro was just taking you along for the ride.
You're always unemployed,
Are your plans null-and-void?
Make me feel good - I feel good!

Gallagher's Theme {Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon}

{Fred, on piano}
I post my comic on Monday morning,
Tuesday find the forums gone kaput,
They'll be back again before it's time for the update -
I'll be paniced by Sunday afternoon.
Getting flamed on every Wednesday evening,
Thursday deal with broken Megagear.
I come from Michigan I just want to watch anime,
Friday I must unleash Shirt Guy.
I'd like to spend time with Sera on Saturday night
But then I'd panic by Sunday - paniced on a Sunday -
Paniced on a Sunday afternoon.

I'm in Love With My Box {I'm in Love With My Car}

{Largo in MegaGamers attic, with Erika backup}
The machine of a dream, such a l33t machine,
With the coolant a-flowin', and the stat-bars all green.
When I'm holding your mouse
All my feelings aroused,
Can I install this light-gun? Oh, I'm on such a hot run!
I'm in love with my box, my new boards I can't help but adore.
Holding onto my adapted Wavebird,
So aroused by my optical mouse.

{Erika, backed by Largo}
Told Kimiko I'd have to forget her,
Just bought me a leet new processor.
So she raised an eyebrow, asked "What's happened to you?
"You broke his arm - now he's always with you!"
When he put in those cards - now I can't seem to stop,
With my drivers all overclocked
Don't have to browse with no run-of-the-mill pre-box.

I'm in love with my box - so aroused by my optical mouse.
I'm in love with my box - send les fleurs pour mon ordinateur!*

*French: flowers for my computer; cheap? yes, but it rhymes

MegaTokyo Moments {You're My Best Friend}

{Scenes from MT Moments strips, Asako and Mami before school}
Ooh, she looks so sad,
Whenever Yuki looks sad to me
Her friend is all she'll need,
Ooh, she looks so sad now Mami! Ooh, she looks so sad.

{Matsui in studio}
Oh, she's our seiyuu playing Kotone,
What happened to her sad reading?
There's no feeling.
Said "I need you to know
"That the story is blue -
"But I can help you."
Oh, she's our seiyuu.

Ooh, she seems so sad.
Ooh, can't you smi~le for me?
Don't you know I'm here for you
If you'll just smile I'll stop the pulling!
I'm trying to help (trying to help)
You're our best friend.
Oh, she seems so sad
Whenever some jerk is cruel to her
We know where to pull for cheer - oo oo ooh
Oh, she seems so sad now Mami!
Oh, she seems so sad.

{Kimiko's Agent}
Found some problems, this could turn out bad
I see you never were lonely
You were so busy and I've never seen
I've never seen such things that you've done -
Oh, it's the wrong file!

{"Sight" Actors, Staff}
Oh, she's such a klutz
She's fallen (tripped on nothing!)
But she's so cute.
Oh, she is so cute
Oh, she's our actress (Oo oo ooh!)
Her, she is so cute.

Tsubasa's Song {'39}

{Tsubasa ruminating in an airport before his flight to USA, Passers-by backup}
In the year of '89 my sweetheart did depart,
I remember from my school days.
There the plane flew out across the blue and cloudless sky
Taking my love away.

And my games turned to dreams
My imagination deemed
That someday I'd follow her,
For in ev'ry shoujo book a new half-plan would arise
But always stopped, too afraid, forget her!

Don't you hear my call though you're many years away,
Don't you hear me calling you?
Write your kana 'cross the net
For the day we finally wed
In the land that my friend Piro knew.

In the year of '99 came my friend out of the blue
And needing a place to stay,
And they follow dreams with hearts full of courage
Though their wallets so lightly weigh.
Said Ping-chan, "You look so sad, you should chase all your dreams,
"And your friend can care for me."
Oh so many years have gone, I don't even know your name,
But how your eyes through Ping's eyes cry to me.

Don't you hear my call though you're many years away
Don't you hear me calling you?
Write your kana 'cross the net for the day we finally wed
In the land that my friend Piro knew.

Don't you hear my call though you're many years away,
Don't you hear me calling you?
All your kana on the net cannot heal me 'til we've met,
For the search still ahead, please help me.

Sweet Seiyuu {Sweet Lady}

{Piro thinking of Kimiko while he lies in bed}
You visit me and see the Sony doll
You help me out but make me suffocate
I've got you in my dreams
You like my art - I fall apart
Do you believe that I'm a perv?
Oh, do you believe that?
Sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu -
Stay sweet!

You think
"You call me up and wimp out on the phone
"You call me nice like I'm some kind of pie.
"On the radio
"I got fed up
"I beat them down
"I'm such a fool, bet I lost my job."
And I say,
Sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu -
Stay sweet!

My sweet seiyuu
Though I know that I'm just a loser,
(Stay sweet Kimi!)
Crawling home - I think I've got a chance.
Sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu, sweet seiyuu -
Stay sweet!

Sketchbook Rendezvous (Reprise) {Seaside Rendezvous}

{Yuki walking through Tokyo's streets, Asako and Mami backup}

Sketchbook whenever I flip through your art
I'm merely contemplating if he's sad inside.
I think I'll ask him if he can teach me in his style.
He says he would if he could but he can't;
I love him madly
Let my imagination run away with him gladly.
Another sad girl; such a cute schoolgirl
Sketchbook rendezvous.

You're so funny sensei - can we have a lesson?
Can we have a lesson sometime - I'd like that.
Fantastic c'est l'artiste mesdames et messieurs!
I'm under the rage of hormones
The lovely fanartist
His sketches are just so adorable.

I feel like raving in the Cave
Surely I can meet you there.
Just keep right on raving
Ping'll stay with her gothy friend.
Tohya says I've a real chance to catch his flying heart
It's "In the air", she said.

Underneath the moonlight
Together we'll sail back to your home
Drawing fanart every night
Meantime I ask you to be my Valentine.
You say you'd have to ditch your friend to do that
So my mom'll whack that nutjob.
We'll go around to gaming shows and see sad girls in snow
Write a new manga start a new series called
Sketchbook rendezvous so adorable
Sketchbook rendezvous oo-hoo
Sketchbook rendezvous
Give us a kiss!

{End Side 1 on vinyl version - good time for a break}

Largo vs. Miho Part II {The Prophet's Song}

{Boo enters, sitting on Junko's sholder, accompanied by some of Largo's class}
{Junko sings, backed by class}
Oh~oh ravers of the Cave
Log onto the ranting
Our classmate she said
The 3v1l Queen she gathers here -
Listen to our sensei!
In games he learned of the undead here
Though we thought his spiel must be the beer;
A man who taught us to hone our skillz
His sincere heart giving us the chills,
He taught us l33t through the game arcades
Hope to stay out of early graves.
"You learn the way," I heard him say,
"For l4m3 are the skillz of Tokyo police!"

Oh~oh ravers of the Cave
Log onto the ranting
Our classmate she said
Tuesday the undead threat will come
Summoned by your own Queen!
Oh~oh children of Japan
Log onto the new way
Join our clan.
Game and gain the new wisdom -
Go and roll the hex die!

{Yuki decides to help Miho; slides chair onto floor, gets on top of it}
{Yuki sings, backed by select ravers}
They tell of skillz with an earnest breath
Giving the lame and the untrained death,
But here too late these leet ones see
That their rival may just be lonely.
A real friendship is for most unknown
Could that dark queen just be alone?
But here we'll rave - friendships we'll make
But death in your soul will be your pow'r-up.

Oh~oh students of the man
Listen to the young one the ravers they said.
"For those who hear and mark my words,"
Listen to this young girl!

{R}And two by two
{C}Your human zoo!
{R}They'll be lining up to come (lining up to come)
Into the Cave!
Dance is our life -
Who heed us not, know your leet skills will fail you.
{C}Ph34r for your life -
Deceive you not all our l33t games will save you -
Else d34th awaits you...

{Operatic portion where each side shows off vocal range}

{After operatic portion, Largo takes lead}
Class use your skillz to pwn these foolz
Test your wisdom in the heat of battle!
{All} Oh~oh children of Japan
Ours is still the answer, take our hand.
{Ping} My power fades, a voice I hear
"Time to bring in Piro!"
I'm shutting down and I cannot
Help my dear Piro...

Color My Life {Love of My Life}

{Kotone standing in, of course, snow}
Color my life - I can't see
But shades of grey, so won't you help me
Color my life so I'll see
All the shades of the world,
Don't leave me out in the snow, because you don't know
What it means to me.

Color my life - please help me
To see the rainbow and ev'ning skylines
Color my life - I can't see
All the shades of the world,
Don't leave me out in the snow, because you don't know
What it means to me.

{Kotone's lover}
Do you remember
The winter was colder,
But I could remember your face
Though you've grown older
I will be there as your eyes for to show you
All the world's colors.

Ooh, help, please help me,
I trust you to help me see
Because you do know what it means to me.
Color my life, color my life,

Leet Company {Good Company}

{Ocelot leads, unfortunate forumites backup}
Mind your posts and forum pals,
A vet'ran once told me,
As he scoured the strips in Story D.
He posted carefully.
Don't fool with foolz from other boards
Keep all leet company.
Oo~hoo, Oo~hoo, keep out of threads of forum trolls
And keep leet company.

So I learned and ranks I earned
As the vet'rans humored me.
I'd post my art with WyndhamHeart
The girl with Dom plushies,
But very soon I thought I ought to change my company.
Oo~hoo, oo~hoo, raise my postcount so very high
If I change my company.

Story D. is a lively forum board,
But to bump my postcount I needed something more.
All the n00bs by a post
By and by I would roast
But no moderator bothered me.
I spammed all through those other boards,
My reputation grew.
Flame-wars devoured my browsing hours,
But when those brawls were through
I finally earned a custom title
To use and call my own.

I forgot Story D. once we parted company.
After those posts, in the end I was toast
As a moderator came to bother me.
Now I'm banned, I browse around
In the threads I cannot write.
I ponder on the lesson of
My posts filled up with spite -
Watch your posts or you'll get pwned
And keep leet company!

Largo vs. Miho Part III {Bohemian Rhapsody}

{Piro, standing on side of stage}
Can this be real life?
It's Largo's fantasy,
He must be dead-drunk
With no sense of reality.
{Seraphim, on his shoulder}
He's still your friend,
Go out there and lend your help...
{P} I'm just a loser, deserve no sympathy,
Because I'm always wrong, never right,
I see the snow, not the light -
Anywhere the games are, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

{Yuki, hopping off chair}
Piro, just fought your friend
I spoke out against his class
See minds shattered like the glass.
Piro, thought we had a chance
So have I gone and thrown it all away?
{All}Piro, oo~
{Largo} Came here to get you out
But we can't surrender the field of battle!
Carry on, carry on, see their forces are in tatters.
{L33t D00d, as Piro tries to leave w/Ping}
Too late, the ravers here
Have all now smelled your blood -
Come and join the army's flood.
Come on little newbie, it's time to fight
Gotta leave your ph34r behind and face your foes.
{All}Piro, oo~
{P}Time for me to leave,
Really wish I'd never come here at all!

{Spotlight shines on Piro, Miho leads}
I though I saw a little Pirogoeth in this man,
{Some class and ravers, CR1}
Heya n00b, heya n00b, will you play some Fandango?
Opera and leetspeak, very very creepy, yo!
Miyamoto, Miyamoto,
Miyamoto, Miyamoto,
Miyamoto Romero - hidoi desu~
{P} I'm just a loser - why do they love me?
{Other class and ravers, CR2}
He's just a loser with a Sony robot
Spare him his ph34r from this terrible lot.
{P}Alway's wrong, never right - will you let me fly?
{CR1}OMG no! We will not let you go {CR2}Let him go!
{CR1}OMG no! We will not let you go {CR2}Let him go!
{CR1}OMG no! We will not let you go {CR2}Let him go!
{CR1}Will not let him go {CR2}Let him go!
{CR1}Never, never, let him go
{P}Never let me go! Oh~
{All}No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
{P}Oh Seraphim, Seraphim, Seraphim let me go,
If I lose Ping-chan my friend'll kill me, kill me, kill me!

{Largo, pushing through crowd to Piro}
So you think you can pwn him and take him from me,
So you think you can love him and make him so l33t,
Oh, l4m3rz - he's still my friend you l4m3rz,
Just gotta tough up, just gotta grow him a spine.

{Piro, carrying Ping out door}
Nothing really matters, anyone can see,
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me.
{All} Anywhere the games are...

God Help the Artist {God Save the Queen}

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