Tongues-in-cheek, people. Tongue-in-cheek...

Don't Choke

Not so long ago, I joined the Forums Megatokyo
To see how the filks fly and the graphics glow.
Although I learned to love the fans and their work,
I soon felt frustrated by those who never lurked
To learn the ways of the message boards
And didn't know a thread from a chord.
I wanted to help - I gave them my time
And aided their meters and rhymes,
Humored their theories and fanfics -
Please don't rhyme that with d--.
No, we don't want your ideas for hentai,
Really, we don't, please stop saying "wai."
Do you even know what that means?
Of course we've seen the latest scene.
Dammit, Fred'll upload when he's ready,
We know his schedule is less than steady.
"Are Miho and Tohya both a Goth?"
Oh! My brain feels like a froth!
Can't you shut it for only a minute?
I know that doesn't rhyme with "repute".
Can you not think?
You're driving me to drink!
If this n00b don't get his act together,
I hope he'll choke and die
On his next pie!

That's it, enough of Story D. -
I think I'll try the M.T.C.,
Maybe a trip to Music or Gamer's
Will heal me from all those lamers.
Say, here is a wallpaper thread,
Seems safe - I think I'll go right ahead.
Oh, but how wrong was I!
The whole forums make me want to cry!
The sight of these forumites' loli
Is making my guts feel creepy-crawly,
Really, you do seem quite the pervert,
No, I don't care your left testicle's name is "Herbert."
Indeed, that seems something best kept to yourself,
Why don't you put that topic back on the shelf?
So you tried to corral your cat all day,
Is that worth a thread to make?
I am quite aware of the new name for the "Revolution",
But it doesn't affect my mature constitution.
No, that isn't just a founding document,
Nor do I have a Republican bent.
Yes, I know there are no Republicans in France,
Hey, can't you give me a chance?
Did you even read my latest post?
No, I'm not trying to boast,
If you don't fsck off and grow up,
I hope you choke and die
On your next pie!

That's it, I've learned my lesson,
About finding in forums a new heaven.
I think I'll go back to Story D.,
Where I have been told to keep L33t Company.
Surely, now that they have some mods,
They can keep clean the forum's facade.
Keep it free from personal attacks,
Noxious knick-knacks and belly-achin' Bush-whacks.
Wait, there's no "M" in "Junpei",
"Hey, what's that type of pie?"
So what if the comic's punchline made you rofl?
"See how Megatokyo relates to the false truffle?"
I've read about some bizarre theories,
But that one makes me most weary.
Really, knock it off -
No, don't knock that off.
Are all your jokes scatalogical?
Is it cheating if I rhyme that with "logical?"
You know I'm patient and won't cheat,
But I still see posts written in leet,
And - hey, you! Shut it!
I hope y0u
choek and die
onyouer next pie!

Don't correct that spelling! I'm no grammar Nazi,
And I'm aware the
Meter's chop
Oh, by all means critique this verse,
Though I admit it could hardly be worse
Even if I lit'rally posted a can of spam,
Or abbreviated ev'ry word and L.A.N.,
Or used random acronyms just to fit my scheme.
So, forgive me if this seemed obscene.
My aim, you see, was mere community service,
That really was my purpose.
I take my leave, then,
And remind you once again
If you're no genius or veteran,
I honestly don't -
"Hope you choke and die
On your next pie!"

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