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Scene I: Opening


From a Tokyo home the wailing of an electric guitar follows a few beats behind a pounding drum, along with bass and keyboards using a newly-found tab of Queen's "Loser in the End." Emitting these sounds is a band composed of four high school classmates calling themselves MegaLondon, devoted to British rock and with a special love for Queen. This group is led by Shigeru on lead guitar and vocals, who is also known as something of a prettyboy. Next to him, bass guitar in hand, stands Hideo, tall and lanky with smooth hair down nearly to his shoulders. To the side behind his keyboards is Yuuji Notsonoda, reticent and with a perpetual facial expression that makes people ask "Are you okay?" every time they see him. Finally, banging away on drums is Gunpei, short, pudgy, and easy to get along with. After a few false starts, they get on a roll, though the rhythm is still somewhat shaky, but they finally make it to the lyrics:

Mama's got a problem
She don't know what to say
Her little baby boy has just left home today
She's got to be the loser in the end
She's got to be the loser in the end
Misuse her and you'll lose her as a friend
She's Ma on whom you can always depend- Oo~hoo!

They stop here, and Hideo suggests that they change lead singers. Shigeru's voice is too soft, almost feminine, to match well with Roger Taylor's deeper vocals. Reluctantly, Shigeru agrees, and suggests they each try singing it. None can quite match Taylor, but the session descends into a childish amusement as Hideo begins playing with his voice, going rapidly from a comically high pitch to a deep growl, and all over the vocal range of pitch and inflection. As usual, Yuuji Notsonoda doesn't laugh, though he does smile to show that he is amused by this. Noticing that Yuuji looks thoughtful, Gunpei asks what's on his mind.
"<How about we change some lyrics around, make them more applicable to us?>" he suggests. Hideo and Gunpei like the idea, but Shigeru, a purist, is more reluctant. Still, Yuuji tended to have good ideas, so he asked exactly what he had in mind. After emphasizing that this is just a rough draft of sorts, Yuuji sings:

Sensei's got a problem
He's losing his own game
That little gothic girl just ownzed him today
He's got to be the loser in the end
He's got to be the loser in the end
Misuse him and you'll lose him as a friend
Your fort he'll always help you defend - Oo~hoo!

The others immediately catch the reference. Hideo laughs and says, "<Oh, you would write something about Largo-sensei!>"
Yuuji shrugs, and Shigeru asks, "<I have to admit, he's a lot cooler than our English teacher from our first two years - remember him?>" Unfortunately, they all did. The three take a moment to throw some praise Largo's direction, with Hideo working in a suggestion that Shigeru was jealous of Ed-sensei's finer features.
"<We need to get back to practicing,>" Shigeru declares. "<Yuuji, do you have any ideas for the other verses? Maybe you can sing them with the instrumentation.>" Yuuji had a rough idea, and it ran thus:

He gamed and taught, and hacked and fought
For over twenty years
And all he gets is "What a loon!"
'Cause only he knows to phear
He's got to be the loser in the end
He's got to be the loser in the end
Misuse him and you'll lose him as a friend
Your fort he'll always help you defend - Oo~hoo!

Let's see you fight her now!

So listen Masters everywhere
To just one hacker's class
You'll wind up ownzored on the field
If you're out-witted by some lass
Forget regrets, and just remember
It's not so long since you were killed

You're bound to be the loser in the end
You're bound to be the loser in the end
They'll choose their new shoes, that's not far to bend
Our fort you'll always help defend - Oh~hoo!...


As they wind down, Hideo's cell phone rings. "<Hello? What! But it's the weekend! Oh, Largo-sensei!>" he starts talking louder so that the other three can get the gist of what was going on. "<He's having a rematch with Tohya? He wants us all down at the 1-Yen Arcade? Yeah, we'll be right there!>" He hangs up, and MegaLondon immediately put down their instruments and run out the door.
Scene II: Main Riff

The 1-Yen Arcade is already a madhouse when the four bandmates arrive, and "Loser in the End" can be heard vaguely in the background. As they run up to the door at full speed, Junko stands waiting and hurrying people inside. A little over twenty students are present, along with Junpei and L33t D00d, MegaLondon's members among the last to arrive. More are supposed to assemble, but the doors slam closed and lock, seemingly on their own. Largo, with Boo on his shoulder, quickly surveys his surroundings. The arcade appears empty besides his class, the doors are sealed, so he sends a few students out into the arcade to reconnoiteur.

They haven't gone far, however, when a voice is heard over the speakers - "Welcome to the field.... of battle!" Suddenly, the lights go out, there is a yell of "Aah~!", and "Ogre Battle" starts playing. The only light comes from the arcade machines, which are lighting up at one moment sporadically and then in patterns reflecting the beat of the song. Largo and company try to recover the scouts, but can't find them in the chaotic lighting.

Now once upon a time - an old man told me a fable
When the piper is gone - and the soup is cold on your table
And if the black crow flies to find a new destination
That is the sign
Come tonight
Come to the ogre sight
Come to the ogre-battle-fight!


As the first verse ends, Largo's class is getting seperated, so Junko starts shouting, trying to get everyone to follow her voice. Hideo and a friend, Eiji, are among those lost, and are typical of what's happening to the class. Both feel disoriented and somewhat nauseous due to the light show. Even worse, they occasionally feel someone brush them, but couldn't see from where. They could scarecly hear Junko's voice over the ruckus, and after a moment Hideo heard a gasp, and turned to find his comrade gone.

He gives a great big cry and he can swallow up the ocean
With a mighty tongue he catches flies - the palm of a hand incredible size
One great big eye - has a focus in your direction
Now the battle is on
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Come tonight
Come to the ogre sight
Come to the ogre-battle-fight!


At this point, Junko and Largo have managed to round up everyone they could - their numbers have dwindled down to exactly twenty, and they are disorganized, but they are mostly secure now. In a desperate attempt to fight back, Junko has them sing along, but try to do so louder than their opponents.

The ogre-men are still inside
The two-way mirror mountain
You gotta keep down right out of sight
You can't see in, but they can see out
"Ooh keep a look out"
The ogre-men are coming out
From the two-way mirror mountain
They're running up behind and they're coming all about
Can't go east 'cause you gotta go south

During the instrumental, Largo and Junko try organizing the troops. They are pressed against a side wall about halfway between the front door and the rear of the building. A scream could be heard piercing through the blazing guitar solo, followed by another longer one close by. Largo and Hideo run out in front to watch their foes and yell out what taunts they could. Meanwhile, the instrumental is nearing its end, so that a few classmates could yell out the final verse with much gusto.

Ogre-men are going home
The great big fight is over
Bugle blow, let trumpet cry
Ogre battle lives for evermore - oh~oh~oh~!
You can come along
You can come along
Come to ogre battle!


During the final instrumental portion, a few students run to the door, but find that it is still too secure to budge. Several of Tohya's minions appear, all in gothic attire. The darkness prevents an accurate count of their number, but Largo is certainly outmanned. Largo sees that several of his pupils are visibly shaken, and realizes that his forces cannot withstand a second round of such mind games before they bail. Thus, the song has barely ended and the English class not even fully ready when Junko strikes up a variation of "The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke."

He's a HaxorMaster~


As the opening line fades, Shigeru and a female student take lead vocals as the students behind him shuffle about.

The Engrish class have gathered under arcade lights
To see the Master bring a chick down from her heights
To quarter-turn he swears, as it rounds he dares
To deliver...
The master-stroke


The procession is still uneasy as the lines of pupils sway back and forth, and a few bump into each other, disrupting the beat. Nonetheless, some gain confidence, and their foes can do little as they segue into a multi-layered verse.

[All Class] Gaming, "Anime Fans", cliches
Inspector with Eva-mechanical ways - he's a dilly-dally-o
[Junko] Pedagogue squinting, wears a frown
And a pedo peers under lady's gown
[Yuuji N.] Dirty fellow - what a dirty laddio
[All Class] Rooting for the horde with a junketer
There's a thief and a dragonfly trumpeter
[Yuuji N.] He's my hero
[Girls] A~ah!

At this point, the class is finally showing good coordination. With new confidence, a couple lines consisting of a half-dozen students each try to flank the ravers, twirling like so many pinwheels with varying amounts of grace and singing as they move.

[All Class] Fairy dandy tickling the fancy of his lady friend
[Shigeru] The nymph in yellow
[Female students] "Can we see the master-stroke?"
[S] What a quaere fellow

Unfortunately, they are cut off at every intersection, and return to the main body of students. They begin the final verse with a special flourish and enthusiasm.

[All Class] Soldier, sailor, tinker, tailor, ploughboy
Waiting to hear the sound
[Boys] And the arch-magician presides - he is the leader
[Half of class, mixed] Oberon and Titania watched by the harridan
[Other half] Mab is the Queen and there's a good apothecary-man
[Gunpei] Come to say hello
[Shigeru] Fairy dandy tickling the fancy of his lady friend
[L33t D00d] The nymph in yellow
[Hideo] What a quaere fellow
[All Class] The ostler stands with hands on his knees
Come on Mr. Hacker, crack it open if you please!

As the class's song ends, the piano tune of "Nevermore" starts unexpectedly, and from out of the shadows leaps a somewhat tall but thin man wearing a cat-ear hat. He sings:

So quickly my thread starts to age
The verse is growing short and the fans stopped posting
Please write a post, though it's late
Can't you read?
Write about my lines
Compliment my rhymes
Don't drop me down the pit of second pa~age

Even the rescripting threads
Where the lame and the crude are so loved and honored
Now grow strip after strip
Can't you read?

Here a handful of observers feel compelled to sing backup as he motions towards them

Why don't you write for me?
Why do you ignore me?
You dropped me down the pit of second page
Second page, second page

With his song done, the stranger hops off back into the shadows, where he vanishes.

Tohya's force didn't waste time launching into their number. The lights all went out, as did the arcade machines, leaving the place totally black. A piano could be heard, though, and a spotlight soon shows Ping and Yuki dressed in full gothic attire, with too much makeup, waving Japanese hand fans and harmonizing:

[P&Y] Do you mean it?
Do you mean it?
Do you mean it?
Why don't you mean it?
Why do I follow you and where do you go?


As the beat picks up, they throw their fans towards the class. Four fans fly through the crowd with furious blade-tipped edges, cutting through hair and sleeves and finally knifing into the wall. They harmonize on the next line of vocal acrobatics while they twirl and flail their arms, the long red and black and purple fabric of their elaborate dresses rippling and waving through the lights and darkness casting weird patterns of shadow upon the crowd. Then, they launched into the next verse, trading lines back and forth.

[Yuki] You've never seen nothing like it no never in your life
Like going up to heaven and then coming back alive
[Y] Let me tell you all about it
[P] And the world will so allow it
[Y] O~oh, give me a little time to choose
[P] Water babies singing in a lily-pool delight
[Y] Blue powder monkeys praying in the dead of night

More lights come on, though it's still fairly dim, revealing more of Tohya's assembly. They all join in the dance, moving towards the left and right, with a very structured marching beat reminiscient of a military exercise.

[P&Y] Here comes the Black Queen, poking in the pile
Fie-fo the black Queen, marching single file
Take this, take that, bring them down to size
March to the Black Queen


There is a brief instrumental portion, then Kenji, Yuki, and Ping take lead together.

[P] Put them in the cellar with the naughty boys
[Kenji] A little nigger sugar then a rub-a-dub-a baby oil
[Crowd] A~ah~
[P] Black on
[C] A~ah
[P/Y/K] Black on every finger nail and toe we've only begun - begun
[P] Make this, make that, keep making all that noise
[K] March to the Black Queen
[P] Now I've found a fire flower
You can be my rumble pack, you can be my Dualshock, yes

Another brief instrumental portion, the full horde claps with the beat briefly, launches into some more vocal acrobatic "La-la-las," then hang back for the lead three to continue.

[Y]A voice from behind me reminds me
[P/K] (tra la laa tra la laa aaah)
[Y]Spread out your wings you are an angel
Remember to deliver with the speed of light
[Y/P/K] A little bit of lo~ove [Y] and joy
Everything you do ([K]will bear a will) [Y] bears a will and a why and a wherefore
[Y/P/K] A little bit of love and joy
[Y] In each and every soul lies a man, very soon he'll deceive and discover
But even 'til the end of his life,
[Y/P/K] He'll bring a little love

Everyone harmonizes as the song slows for a few measures -

[Male Crowd] Aah ah aah
[Female] La la la la laa
[Male] Ah ah ah ah aah
[Female] Ah la la la laa
[Ping]A~a


- and then Tohya finally makes her appearance as the song approaches its climax. She leaps up and uses Kenji's left hand and Ping's right for platforms as she sings and makes dramatic arm gestures.

[Miho] I reign with my left hand, I rule with my right
I'm lord of all darkness, I'm Queen of the night
I've got the power - now do the march of the Black Queen
[Yuki] My life is in your hands, I'll fo and I'll fie
[Ping] I'll be what you make me, I'll do what you like
I'll be your rag-doll - I'll be your rag-doll
[Kenji] I'll do the march of the Black Queen


All the minions join in, some raising their hands just in time for Tohya to hop on top of them. She prances back and forth across the hand-platforms while they sing.

[Minions] Walking true to style
She's vulgar 'buse and vile
Fie-fo the Black Queen, tattoos all her pies
She boils and she bakes, and she never dots her "I's"
[Y]She's our leader

Tohya leaps on top of an arcade cabinet and conducts a final chorus of "La~la~las." The music winds down, but just as it fades out it begins again. All look over towards the English class to see Largo being held up by his feet by Junpei and Gunpei, the latter a bit shaky.

[Largo] Forget your singalongs and your lullabies
Surrender to the city of the fireflies
Dance with the devil in beat with the band
To hell with all of you hand-in-hand
But now it's time to be gone - [Class] (la la la la~a forever)
[L] Forever
[Class] La la la la~a a~ah a~aah!

All the dark force's eyes are focused at the class, awaiting its next move. Junko has everyone arranged in neat rows, matching with the minions' arrangement. "Funny How Love Is" begins playing.

[Class] Funny how l33t is everywhere just look and see
Funny how l33t is anywhere you're bound to be


As they sing, they advance forward, leaving Largo behind to watch, filing between their opponents' rows and stopping with each line to sing to the minion next to them personally.

Funny how l33t is every filk in every key
Funny how l33t is coming home in time for tea
Funny, funny, funny, oh

This is all tremendously cheesy, but that's just what Ping was built for, so she cannot help but join in, despite Tohya's shouting at her to come to her senses.

Funny how l33t is the end of lies when the truth begins

Some minions are there only for Ping, so her fans also begin singing and dancing with the class.

Tomorrow comes, tomorrow brings
Tomorrow brings l33t in the shape of things
That's what l33t is, that's what l33t is

A few female minions can't resist Boo's cuteness, squeaking with the beat from Largo's shoulder.

Funny how l33t can break your heart so suddenly
Funny how l33t came tumbling down with Adam and Eve

Tohya is incredulous, and stares at Largo with an expression saying, "This couldn't have been your idea."

Funny how l33t is running wild and feeling free
Funny how l33t is coming home in time for tea
Funny, funny, funny

Tohya's right. The sappiness is making Largo feel a bit queasy.

From the box inside to the processor's heat
That's how far and funny is l33t


At this point, the minions are almost entirely sided with the class. A few holdouts throw punches, but they're quickly subdued by superior numbers.

At any time (any time), anywhere (anywhere)
If you gotta l33t boards do it everywhere
That's what l33t is, that's what l33t is


Desperate, Yuki leaps onto the cabinet with Miho, nearly knocking her over, and at Tohya's direction she opens the door with her magic wand and holds her as they fly out. Largo follows alone, except for Boo, and the music continues behind him as he steps out onto the street.
Scene III: Coda

The street outside the arcade is deserted except for Tohya, who's instructing Yuki to ensure that the TPCD does not attempt to move in. The middle schooler flicks her wand and flies off. Tohya turns slowly to face her rival, who is standing in the street just off the curb. "Procession" could be heard playing in the distance as the two foes faced off, seperated only by a few yards. Their eyes meet, and betray the deep animosity between the two. Boo lets out a long, slow squerk. After a moment, Largo breaks the silence.
"Your game's over," he says flatly. "Your minions have deserted you, and -"
"Oh, shut it," the gothic one interrupts. "I've heard enough of your little soliloquies. Besides, I haven't lost quite yet." She looks over at the horizon, towards the setting sun. "These streets are normally very busy," she says, "I assume the police have it shut off." Her gaze returns to Largo's direction, and she smiles slightly as she comments, "They're waiting on you, you realize. You're a poor player, but your friend Sonoda would prefer you dispatch this little threat, and then he'll get you deported."
Largo listens to this silently, standing fully erect, as a veteran boxer preparing for the title fight. At this final comment, he simply shakes his head and states, "He might, but I'll deal with that later. For now, I have an ancient evil to dispose of."
"'Ancient?' Well, now, I suppose the eighteen-eighties is quite old by your standards, but..." she trails off and takes a couple steps back as she sees Largo reach for his Cool Thing. Play "Seven Seas of Rhye!"

Fear me you lords and lady preachers
I descend upon your Earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine
The seven seas of Rhye!

Largo's heart is racing as even he is taken in by the utter coolness of his Cool Thing as it turns into a glowing sword - a slim single-edged blade extending about two feet. He starts running towards Tohya, but is thrown back by an unseen force.

Can you hear me you peers and privy counsellors?
I stand before you naked to the eyes
I will destroy any man who dares abuse my trust
I swear that you'll be mine -
The seven seas of Rhye!


Tohya levitates a foot off the ground and is now surrounded by a faint yellow field. Out of her back she extends two large wings, each with some bare spots revealing a metal frame but otherwise covered with charcoal feathers.

Sister - I live and lie for you
Mister - do and I'll die
You are mine, I possess you
I belong to you forever-ever-ever-a~ah


The rest of the city seems to vanish in a yellow haze, and the distance between them extends as Largo again runs towards his foe, met every few steps by cloudy, luminous creatures taking the vague shapes of people he'd met in Tokyo - Erika, Kimiko, Kenji, Gameru, even Piro and some game characters, but he slashes through them all without hesitation and leaves them behind.

Storm the master-marathon I'll fly through
By flash and thunder-fire and
I'll survive - I'll survive - I'll survive
Then I'll defy the laws of nature and come out alive -

Then I'll get you!


Realizing her little creations are barely slowing her foe down, Tohya quickly waves her left arm horizontally in a wide, sweeping motion and from that flies a wide blade...

Be gone with you - you shod and shady senators
Give out the good, leave out the bad evil cries

...Largo is hit and begins to fall...

I challenge the mighty Titan and his troubadours

...but throws his sword...

And with a smi~ile-

...it hits.

I'll take you to the seven seas of Rhye!


Both opponents stare at each other as the song descends into an old sailor's ditty. Largo is on one knee, cut and bleeding but not mortally wounded. Boo is grasping the clothes on his shoulder, squeaking softly and with his eyes wide open. Tohya remains frozen for a moment, the steel of the blade protruding from just below her ribs. The weapon isn't especially long, but it extends through her back, touching her left wing and making it quiver, and it appears larger on such a small frame. She closes her eyes, and her black ribbons extend towards Largo. He tries to move, but can't get far before they ensnare him and begin dragging him down into a pitch-black abyss. Boo is squeaking frantically as he struggles to unbind his client, but to no avail, and both are dragged down into a black pit. Points of light - stars, perhaps, and then the moon - pass by as they fall down.

Soon, there is nothing but the blackness, though Largo has no problem seeing himself and his hamster. "Loser in the End" is playing again, and he is holding a very large blade that isn't as heavy as it appears it should be. He turns around and sees Tohya. The first thing Largo notices is that she is wielding a slender blade that is as long as she is tall. The second thing is that she is still dressed as before, without wings, but has removed her top, leaving just a sports bra, for more freedom of movement. Largo immediately catches the reference, and says with a smirk, "You would be the type to be this obsessed with Final Fantasy VII."
"This from a man who spent twenty hours breeding the Golden Chocobo?" Tohya responds with a grin of her own.
"There's something to be says for a man who finishes every game he begins," he replies. He then states, "You remember how this story ends."
"With an unnecessary movie sequel, of course."
Largo shakes his head, then becomes serious, "You know I mean Sakaguchi's original story."
She nods, her face also serious, and motions for him to come. He takes a deep breath, raises his blade slightly, and runs at his foe. Largo has all the momentum as he quickly closes the few yards between them. Both raise their blades. Both swing, Largo expecting a repeat of the victory in the old SquareSoft game, where the infamous Sephiroth was left after this duel bloody and defeated.

It doesn't happen. Tohya swung her long blade low, tripping him and causing him to fall, landing several feet away. She begins laughing hysterically, the sound echoing and amplified off of unseen walls, and yells, "You lost! This was scripted out for you, and you still lost! Why, perhaps if -" she stops suddenly. Tohya drops her blade, grabs her chest, takes a step back, and trembles. She begins breathing heavily, but uses what energy she could must to gasp out, "Yuki-chan! Yuki-chan! Help!" She starts to collapse, but due to the odd physics of this netherworld descends slowly. However, Yuki appears and grabs her. Holding the elder goth just above the waist with both arms, she ascends with her slowly. Largo drags himself up, takes his sword, and tries to take a swing at them, but is too weak to move quickly enough. The blackness gives way to light and the weapons are gone, and Largo is standing on the street with Boo at his feet, watching Yuki fly away towards the East with Miho in her arms. For the first time in a long time, there is silence.

Boo lets out a squeak, inquiring about the state of his client. Largo sighs, and says, "We've completed world two, little dude, but I'm guessing our princess is in another castle." He takes Boo in his hand, and places him on his shoulder, and looks back at the 1-Yen Arcade, now dark and deserted, except for Junko, who explains that everyone bolted once some officers from the Tokyo Police Cataclysm Division arrived. Largo nodded, and as the two of them walked down the street together he looked over at the one who had come the farthest in his class, the one who, once he left this place, would surely carry Tokyo's defence on her shoulders.

He felt confident those shoulders were strong enough.

Fade out...

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