When you read the lyrical disaster below, remember that the rhyme scheme is "aaaa... bbbb.... cccc...." This will require several words to be badly mispronounced. In the first stanza, for example, "out" should be pronounced as "oot," and "foot" is pronounced closer to "newt" than "took." Several words are also badly misused throughout the work, so those offended by horrific grammar should stay away.

Let Us Now Praise Kimiko's Foot

Let us now praise Kimiko's foot.
'Tis quite a handsome foot
And it is also quite cute
As you will soon find out.
For 'tis classy, like a prince of Beirut,
And is not merely a matter of smut
As you will see, if you look.
'Tis more desirous than much loot
Like what the other day I had took
('Twas a largish moldy book
And it turned me into a newt
But I got better, with maple root
So this lesson I forsook,
But this point is now moot).

Let us now return to Kimiko's feet.
She has always kept them neat
And covered when walking the street,
Like with sandals, creating suntan streaks
You'll see, for she cooks barefeet
(She makes really good Francish crepes)
'Cept in winter, to avoid slipp'ry sleet.
This is why some call her "l33t,"
Though such spelling makes her weep
So don't use it you creep
Or much wrath you shall reap
And get tossed into the garbage heap
Wherein the n00bies we keep
So that their foolishness won't creep
And impugn us where we sleep.

Let us now discuss Kimi-toes.
They're quite important, you know,
And lacking a full ten of those
Lined in perfectly irregular rows,
Why, t'would give slander for her foes
And many would thumb their nose
And never watch one of her shows
Even for her wondrous sadness in snow!
She has ten, though, I can disclose,
For nine cannot be hid by hose -
See by how she jumps and goes.

So, let us now praise Yuki's ear...
That was amazing
Much laughter did it bring
Bad pronunciation is king
The bell in my head went "ding"
But what about Miho's thumb rings?
Is it just bling?
Kimiko can sing?
And where is Ping?
And what of Yuki's new fling?
Aw, poor thing
It pulls the heart strings
And breaks my wings
I must stop rhyming
Lest my neck Erika will wring
Or put my arm in a sling
Or use my head for bowling
>So, let us now praise Yuki's ear...
Or swiftly move on to her rear -
a subject many would hold dear -
IF they were in her school year.
Hold on! Is that the door I hear?
It might be the police I fear
investigating claims I leer
at the inspector's daughter's derriere.

And so I think it would be best
to turn my thought to Erika's chest -
. . .
:) :) :)
>And so I think it would be best
to turn my thought to Erika's chest -
. . .

Some say "softer is best,"
But some prefer heft,
While others, all the rest,
Just say (in French) naturesse
("natural," with much linguistic finesse),
But nature we cannot test,
Not without great personal risk
Which leaves us quite a mess
So we dare not try it, unless
We first chug ourself a jug of slivovetz.

Let us be safe, and admire Junko's hands...
>Let us be safe, and admire Junko's hands...
They are of strength and beauty, not bland
Indeed, they are the pride of Japan
Tough leader of her clan
For honor she would stand
'Til Largo saw her with that man
Of Largo, she is not a fan
But when his demeanor was in the can
She helped that crazy man
She tried to pull his head from the sand
'Til l33tdood thwarted her plan
Non-sensical advice be damned
Those prying eyes are banned
She beat him 'til his heartbeat did expand
Like hummingbird wings will fan
His hallucinations were grand
Near death, he lay on the land
All due to Junko's hands

Now we contemplate the sad girl in snow...
>Now we contemplate the sad girl in snow...
Her name is Kotone - her nature we do not know
But where her muse leads she will go
(her muse, her soul is Kimiko!)
and yet she may a snowball throw
to prove there life continues, so
her independence she can show.
Her essence from her fans she seeks
her life in cyberspace she ekes
and yet her hope she slowly leaks
as past her popularity she peaks?
The crowd at Animate! speaks
to their goddess of dreams of years, months, weeks
of love which rudely Cubesoft wreaks
into a ruin. Leave her there
Amid the snow, her ashen hair
blends into the softly crystalled air.

Now let us move to Miho's lair . . .
> Now let us move to Miho's lair . . .
A place of too much drama and too much flare.
Let us rather discuss Tohya's hair.
'Tis finer indeed than the finest mare,
For she masterly prepares it with much care
Always with ribbons, and never bare.
So, I tell ye, 'tis not just our local teddy-bear
Who cannot help but at Tohya to stare
When we find an appearance of stately hair.

Now, a thing of much concern -
Speaking, of course, of Piro's nerves...
>Now, a thing of much concern -
Speaking, of course, of Piro's nerves...

...Which are touched and prodded at every turn,
Yet so nonchalant as Ikeburo burns.
And how is it that he never earns
Enough money to every return
Home, in fact he seems unconcerned
That Largo's antics may send him home in an urn.
And if he hadn't been so stern
He might never have escaped Miho's dark cavern.
Will his nerves ever help him spurn
Young Yuki's adorably yearn (ings)?

Somehow, I think we could all find bliss
In the sturdy confines of Largo's fist...
>Somehow, I think we could all find bliss
In the sturdy confines of Largo's fist...

and yet it seems that Largo's fist
is a subject we can all resist!
His glabrous paws will not be missed
as from further comment I'll desist
and speak instead of Largo's glare
- as red and furious as his hair.
He brings it on the cute to bear
He shares the ire of Teddy Were
(the bear of very little brain)
and tires all with his fond refrain
of "z0mb13 qu33n" and yet his swain
she might yet be if he can but chain
his evil eyes from staring so
- the ladies like it not, you know -
and just admit he likes Miho
then for a threesome they could go!

So to Tsubasa we should turn
who madly for his love did yearn,
yet all the money he did earn
(with sweaty hands and guts a-churn)
was spent to buy the lovely Ping
a chatty and enchanting thing
designed for play and hard loving
with her a Queen and he a King

And dare we speak of Ping indeed? . .
>And dare we speak of Ping indeed? . .
So we shall, my desires for to feed.
For Ping is like choc'late pie - sweet
As any baked thing we knead
(Which I ha' seen done with arms and knee).
So let us praise Ping, an' I shall take lead
To sing o' the cute-marks upon her cheek
That shout "sugoi kawaii desu!", and plead
"Will you not take good care of me?"
Yes! We shall, like a child of three
Whom we teach to live, and to read
Of all the works and wonders of Esty!*

What else to say of Ping's desires...

*Esty = SD = Story Discussions forum
>What else to say of Ping's desires?<

To find a beau she so aspires
A love to feed her soul's deep fires
So she can soar above the spires
And denounce doubters all as liars.

So now I think of Miho's knees...
>So now I think of Miho's knees...
Their slender forms of which one sees
Them rare enough, with frame-size fees.
So dream we must, to fantasies
And note their silent harmonies
With skirt-edge blowing in the breeze,
Though story etiquette decrees
Those looking further up be seized,
And locked away until deceased
(A shame, perhaps, to young SDs
Who thought to chance a moment's sleaze
But found their shining moment flees
Before the wrath of devotees.)

And so, continuing in prose,
We now indulge of young Boo's nose...
> And so, continuing in prose,
We now indulge of young Boo's nose...

Which must be surely froze
Beneath these chilly winter snows
Which now the artist upon us bestows
Complete with sad girls in tow.
But of his nose, well, no-one knows,
(Boo, I mean, not our Piro)
In this cold, 'tis like a rose,
See how charmingly it glows!

But look instead at dear Boo's eyes!
Yet more aglow, there's no suprise!
He's such a lovely little guy,
Yet still I often wonder: "Why
Would someone such as Boo advise
A human who is so unwise?"
Perhaps, if young Boo really tries,
He'll prevent a terrible demise.

But now, as Boo away must go,
I dream of Erika's fine elbow...
>But now, as Boo away must go,
I dream of Erika's fine elbow...

As such, she thrusts it too and fro,
a punch, a kick, a daring throw,
it hits the spleen and breaks the nose

She uses it on her poor beau,
The not so genteel man, Largo.
He takes a hit, catches a blow,
And then or b33r they turn to go.

So have I spoke of Kimi's blush?
She hides it with her make-up brush.
It tints the skin all smooth and lush
and makes one think that she's been rushed

While working in the restaurant
Where all the women, stacked, will flaunt
Their assets, full and firm to taunt,
But Kimi's more like spectres haunt'.

So fast I turn to Yuki's pout...
>So fast I turn to Yuki's pout...

And pout she must without a doubt
(while we yet wonder what she's about
when with her super power she blinks out)
for she has seen her pet deceased
whilst still extant (and yet unleashed)
- a pout that could be greatly eased
if she could find a cure indeed.

But zombies may not be so easily cured
and will not grow even when manured
but to slowly rot they are inured
so she pouts whilst tears her eyes have blurred.
Her cheeks are soaked from trembling lids
(except where on her face she skids)
and now her nature she has hid
with combat gear and Bono shades
and now her figure is concealed
which properly should be revealed
in outfits bought by the well-heeled
if only these she had not stealed

She should in meido outfits pose
complete with wand like a sparkly rose
which, with a twitch of button nose,
makes an old man young and a beanstalk grows.
But in this cold and tragic hour
she finds that this is not her power
and so instead she must devour
the bitter fate of this snowy shower.

But what might all these snowflakes mean? . . .
>But what might all these snowflakes mean? . . .
Many implications, it would seem
Crystalized water, the stuff of dreams?
The power of sadness from our favorite MGs?
Or the ash of zombie fiends?
(of that last thought I'm not too keen)
But one thing's plain to see
Sad Miho in snow is leaving the team
To what end will this lead?
Please, Fred, don't take her from the screen!
"No, Miho! NOOOO!!!" we would scream
(or at least most of SD)
Her darkly cuteness we need
Her eyes, of late, do surely gleam
On her sly remarks we feed
And her recent good deeds
Please don't give her a fate like Key
For knowledge of her past is still too lean
There are still too many mysteries
And too many conflicting theories
Is it the astral projection of a girl fallen from a tree?
Or a once pure now disgraced MG?
Or the queen of the zombies?
Or an AI that yearned to be free?
This verse is too long, so I'll just let it be

Now we shall smirk at Kimiko's cute giggle...
>Let us now praise Kimiko's foot.

Yet while your poetry you wrought
The most important thing forgot
Put them in a frilly sock
And Piro's world would surely rock

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