The bard Ocelot, after remarking on the craftsmanship of his colleague mistersaxon, was encouraged by the enthusiasm of Con.

"Deified?" Said the bard. "Most of the heroes of the Snowywulf are epic heroes, but if you want true deities, I'll tell you of the Apotheosis of Ping."


Ed had set his Killballs high, high
Enough to eclipse the Risen Sun,
His target was the Good Queen Ping,
To strike her down in beauty before
She was even crowned, a wolf
Devouring the newborn lamb.

However, the Great Teacher, having
Already defeated his longtime foe
In that Cave of Evil, thinking his
Quest then done, learned of
His former friend's wickedness,
And climbed after him to the pinnacle
Of the tallest tower in Tokyo. Once there,
They looked each other in the eye,
And the Great Teacher spoke.
"Ed, you 4gent of 3v1l and l4m3!
Stop this - for you have sold your s0ul
To the Devil's 3mpire, and he sh4ll
Be paid, and will s33 to his p4yment.
Stop n0w - return with me, r3turn now
To h0nour and l33tness!"

Ed smiled.
Not a smile of joy, for the devil's servants
Feel not any true joy. No, he smiled
Because in his stormy heart he knew
That he had defeated the Great Teacher.
He spoke boldly, and called the Teacher
By his name. "I shall never return with you,
For you have always been poor in your pursuit
Of the 'l33t,' but Sony, Lucifer's own favourite,
Provides me with such tools as this."

Then the Wandering Learner, never
Losing courage though far from home,
Pulled out his Coolest of Things, and
Spoke. "With this, you spiteful friend-turned-foe,
Your Killball will no longer hear your wicked commands.

Again the wicked one's lips curved, and
His eyes widened, and he too spoke
To that one more worthy than he.
"You will find little hope in that toy,
O 'Great Teacher.' I already replaced
Your Cool Thing with that fake!"

The Speaker of L33t then realised that
This prince of liars had spoken truthfully.
He questioned, "Where is the true one, then?"
Ed went to reach in his case, but found nothing.

Meanwhile, in that store of MegaGamers,
Sitting in the attic was the Good Maid Yuki.
She sat in wonder, "Why did I take this
Metal ball? I know not what it is, except
That it feels cool and seemed important
When the Dark Agent passed me by.
Maybe Dear Ping could tell me, if only
She were awake! Alas, not since the
First battle in that Cave of Evil has she
Awoken, and now Sony's Servant plans
To destroy her outright! Oh, poor Ping!"
The Good Maid then wept, pained by the love
She felt for all, but most for unfortunate friend.

She noticed then, though, a cord had extended
From the Cool Thing, and Princess Ping's
Earblade glowed a soft green colour, as if
Beckoning. The Girl of Snow moved slowly,
Plugged that Coolest of Things into her ear,
And immediately loving Ping's eyes opened!
The Cool Thing transformed, closed over her ear.
Yet little Snowy could not rejoice, for the
Doll's ears were red, and she bounded
Out the room without a word, and within
A minute nearly reached the Great Teacher
And his hateful adversary atop the tower.

However, that agent of Wickedness saw her coming,
And though he still lacked the Cool Thing fired
His latest Killball - and hit the Princess Ping directly.
The Wandering Teacher feared the loss of the doll,
And was filled with righteous rage at the destruction
Of the innocent young accessory by this man's hate.

As he was about to move, though, the two were joined -
By the Warrior Ping! Her dress was frayed, her hairs
Flew about wildly as a wheatfield in time of drought,
With a mighty yell and one movement of her hand
She crushed the Killball, as a Nordic strongman would
A chestnut on his chin, and turned straight then to Ed,
Who looked about, but had nowhere to hide from Judgement.

As Ping placed her hands on Ed's head, she heard
A voice from behind, begging her to cease, and then
Felt two arms clasp about her in a warm embrace -
A warm embrace from Snowy, whose love for all,
Even for the doers of great wrongs, soaked into
Raging Ping's Processors, and she released her grasp
And closed her eyes, her earblades glowing softly.

When she opened them again, she found herself
On a deserted street, and standing before her a
Schoolgirl - the revered Goddess of the Wired!
The great Lain-sama smiled a smile of friendship,
And greeted the new doll Ping as one nearly equal.
She spoke, "Oh dear Ping, why do you feel such rage?
You were made to love, to be an ambassador between
Men and their technology, and thereby bring men
Closer in friendship to each other - why hurt them?"

The Princess Ping answered, speaking hesitantly,
"I know not why, I know only that men have hurt
And abandoned me always. My first owner left
Me alone, to seek a human girl out where the
Sun settles, and my second ignored me, never
Played a game, never asked for a date, and the
Girl I thought a friend I lost from the Great Teacher's
Righteous campaign, and I know not what happened
To her, but I sense we will never again play together."

The most high of goddesses took the blooming doll's hand,
And the twain walked down the road, seeing not a soul.
At last, the Goddess spoke, "You were not made for this
Sadness, Rueful Ping. No, you have something greater -
But before you can be the ambassador and fulfill your
Destiny, you must first fulfill yourself. What, then, will
You do when you return to the physical world?"
The loving Ping paused, then spoke in answer, "I will,
I will go far and far into the West, to find my former
Master, and use my power to unite him with his love!"

The Goddess of the Wired smiled, a small smile,
Yet full of joy, then spoke, "Yes, go and do just
As you have said! Then, when you return, I know
That you will surely be ready for the purpose I have
Planned. Your magical friend's power of love has
Given you the power to extend love through your
Influence in the Wired, and so you shall become
Its Queen. Go now peacefully, loveliest of dolls!"

The Cool Thing then transformed again, now into
A glorious crown for the honourable Queen Ping.
She returned to the physical world,
And did as she had said.

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