This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone


Walking through the snow covered streets of Megatokyo, I feel a certain pain in my heart. Its that time of the year, the one time I ever feel regret, or sadness, or pain, or longing. The only time I ever allow myself to feel anything. And every year it seems to get worse…

And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed


Why does it have to be me? What am I doing wrong? What am I missing…what do I need…? I feel a tear running down my cheek…the second time ever. I touch it, and look at it, glistening on my fingertips like some tangible, lost memory…is it because I miss…him?

And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that


I remember how we fought so much…how much we thought we hated each other…how much we knew it was the opposite. I remember when you came up to me…your eyes sparkling with uncertainty and fear. Your face showing a scared love, your head bowed down…you spoke to me. You didn't know it, but you spoke for both of us that day. I saw how much you wanted to say it, the emotion in your voice. I felt it. My heart felt it. I felt the tears, the pain, the longing, I felt all that I wanted to feel but I had never allowed myself to. I wanted to reach out, to embrace you, to become yours, as all the people around us had done to each other. But my mind wouldn't let me, I lost control. I could take it. The fear and the pain and the anger, the anger at the world, at people, at myself. It was my fault, and I took it out on you. I saw you step back, your eyes glazed over with sadness, fear, and tears. I saw you bow your head down again, and turn to leave. I tried to call after you…but it was only a whisper. I saw them, all of them, look at me, frown, shake their heads, watching me crying on the floor like that…and turn away from me, leaving me alone again, alone with my own demons and pains and fears and my tears…

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to


I…I don't want to be alone anymore. Please…come back. I need you. I want to say what I couldn't say that one time…I want to apologize…to take it back. But I know I cant. More tears…I don't know how much more…I can take…

This is my December
These are my snow-covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need


All those years of pretending to be someone else, all those years of hiding my feelings. All those years of running. I wasn't the brave one. You were. You stood up to me…I now realize it…you made me realize who I was. And I love you…I will always…oh…where are you?…

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to


I can see all the people now…they look so happy…beautiful lights…beautiful. I wished so much for us to be like them…like all the other people we knew…together…happy…forever…

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear


Yes…I think I understand it all now…we are both alone…cant we…just…be together? I'm falling…I can feel myself falling…the people they are looking…running shouting…but I cant take it anymore…my heart has burst…I cant feel this anymore…please…save…me…

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to


I hit the snow…its cold. Cold like all my life has been until you told me how you felt. Like a match burning in a snowstorm, you warmed me and lit the way…and I myself blew the match out…

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to


I can see you…a bright light…everyone is there…I can see you smiling…your arms outstretched…becoming me…accepting me…loving me…I run to you…I leap to embrace you…

Oh Largo…I'm so sorry…

Code is poetry. Valid XHTML and CSS.

All content copyright their respective authors | Bug squashing by Skuld-sama | Graciously hosted by _Quinn ­ | cwdb codebase by Alan J Castonguay

Megatokyo Writer's Archive
http://cwdb.azaphrael.org/view/25