I originally tried my hand at a haiku for Friday's comic, struggling with it the whole afternoon and ending up still unhappy with it. I think Smurd had it right when he said that the haiku form is just too limiting for all the emotions and thoughts that go along with the comic (even though the event depicted is actually very simple and haiku-ish in and of itself). Sw33t poem too, Smurd.

This is a piece that just... came out in an hour or so last night. My muse actually worked fast for once. That was an awesome comic, Piro. I was in the *perfect* mood when I read it too, all melancholy an' subtly sad. Hopefully it shows. Why is it that the comics with the fewest words seem to inspire the largest quantity of verse? (The two examples that stand out in my mind are this last comic and Pirogoeth's "Left Behind" Art Day...)

(Garran note: In archiving the rest of this thread, I've left out the majority of the author commentary, but there was a bunch more thoughtful discussion along the lines of what J. is saying here; so if this interested you, you might want to go take a look at the original thread. Sorry, J., back to you.)

Well anyway, here's my poem:



Fallen Angel

by: Jon Keim (J. Random)
begun 2002 0315
---------------------------

you who are so calm and cool
would surely laugh at me, the fool
who sheds a tear while you, in school
become a fallen angel


your ribbon, once a source of pride
has, like you, also come untied
and curled up there at your side
to share your fate oh fallen angel

stuck suffering and all alone
and not in time to use the phone
this world, it seems, it would disown
you from itself, a fallen angel

the ribbon 'ere a watch will keep
accomp'nied by a cell phone beep
throughout your dim and fitful sleep
who will help you, fallen angel?

you who shines so darkly bright,
possessing such a clever might
ruler of the untamed night
rouse yourself and be all right!
and if not run! and feet take flight!
until she is within your sight!
oh hurry there some noble knight
to aid the fallen angel

we all are weak and wear our masks
as we do our daily tasks
we're never up to all Life asks
I feel for you, my fallen angel
The bathroom fades, darkness blending
through the fog, my hands are trembling,
tried to call, but help can't hear me,
darkness folds around so gently.

Falling, falling, what did I do?
To deserve this, did I spite you?
Does weakness lessen your respect?
Can I be cute but not perfect?

Just one dull thud I do not feel,
a seperate life, it seems unreal,
helpless now, I won't soon be found,
All I hear is a thumping sound.

Find me, ping-chan, please come this way,
my eyes are blank, my lips are grey,
though the burden I place by this
on you's not fair, I need help, sis!
That sable ribbon
(unsupported after all)
unravels and falls.
We thought evil gave her strength.
Only a ribbon, crumpled.
If strength's a seen thing
what from the mirror darkly
let the ribbon fall?

-_Quinn

(There'll be more and better about a similar idea "soon".)
I'm trying to get my muse in gear to say what I want to say, but I'm finding it unusually tough to express to my satisfaction. In the meantime...

A blank rectangle,
Four straight lines with naught between.
Why does it hurt, so?
"Why?"
Haunting hell of misery -
My mind.
Burning from within -
A prison cell of steel to my heart.

"Why?"
The shout
Echoes round my brain,
Bludgeoning to dulness
My self-esteem.

I remain outside,
Cold,
Blocked from the favour of your gaze.
Isolated.
Unloved.
And asking -
WHY?
A dark rose falls down
As a fragility shows
In its mystery

-Tribute to fallen Miho
[as promised]

From the mirror
you cannot hear her cries

From the mirror
you cannot tell her lies
about getting well soon
or the safety of a swoon

From the mirror
the darkly cute one fades
to white in wrenching shades
you cannot draw her near
you can only counsel to your fear

From the mirror
you cannot take her call
you cannot stop her fall
sliding down the wall

you cannot meet her eyes
from the mirror

-_Quinn
The darkness falls...

What mockery is this?
This frein of death,
this fallen foe.

What mockery is this?
Far from the battle,
far from the fight.

What mockery is this?
That struck her down,
that stole her power.

What mockery is this?
the work of the fates?
the treachery of good!?

The darkness falls...
My first memory is light.

When I was a child, I was scared of the dark, and so my parents put a night light in my room, just over my crib. I'd lie there at night, just staring at it. As long as it kept the dark away, I thought to myself, I'll be safe.

But now I gaze, helpless, at her, brutally illuminated by the harsh flourescent lighting in the washroom, and long for the darkness to return.
The lights fade,
falling from sight.
I am being betrayed
as I reach for the light.

Falling to the floor,
I can't take any more.
All I can see
Is the darkness within me.

As I lie here sinking
Thoughts turn away.
My body is breaking
Life will not stay.

Why is no one coming?
Can't they see?
my body is dying.
Why are you leaving me?
The darkness fell and you fell
I could see you, though I wasn't there

The cell phone fell from nerveless fingers
And an angry freedom took your hair

I didn't understand, I know
But please don't say I didn't care

I never could prevent it
I could see you, but I wasn't there
On the cold, tiled floor
ribbon lost on this lonely day
elsuive life
a tradgety for today.

Bitter tears
for Tohya-san
the world of light
sends the l33tm 0n3 on his way!

MegaTokyo standing heart to mouth
in ph33r for a girl
sleeping in the light
MegaTokyo trying day by day
to take the pain away

This day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
stripping lifeblood
from those you love (those you love)
this day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
she will not die
on my watch.

I cannot ease the pain
shining in android eyes
Junpei, my right hand man
gather the fallen one
we must leave before she dies.

MegaTokyo standing heart to mouth
in ph33r for a girl
sleeping in the light
MegaTokyo trying day by day
to take the pain away

This day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
stripping lifeblood
from those you love (those you love)
this day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
she will not die
on my watch.

This day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
stripping lifeblood
from those you love (those you love)
this day a hurricane
ph33r the hurricane
she will not die
on my watch.

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