Yay, re-songficcing another Evanescence song. (For those who remember, this song was also in OLSAL, regarding Lightsider.)

This time it's Erika and MT canon. Whee.


I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now


At what price, fame?

People want fame, don't they? To be known, to be remembered. To *be* someone.

But are you really someone, when all your decisions are made for you? When you give up the control of your life in exchange for popularity?

I had made that mistake once. I had lost my control.

I am still struggling to keep it.

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all


I think I have a pretty solid wall, around myself, now. I had to build one. How could I not? When you try to take back your life, you end up losing popularity.

So I lost my popularity.

Do I regret it?

I remember being younger. I believed that I could show my face to the world and be loved for who I was.

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now


Then I landed a role.

And another.

And soon, my agent was talking with producers, and the producers all wanted me to speak a certain way, to act a certain way, the certain roles of their characters. I had to change myself to fit those roles, or else I would no longer be in that career. And I felt I had so much potential.

I could no longer be myself. I was paid, to be someone else. To be other people.

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything


I can't go back to that time, myself. Back when I felt so confident that I could be loved for who I really am. Back when I didn't need this calm coolness.

But Nanasawa.... in her, I see me. But she's a bit different; she is doing this for herself, not for popularity. This is her dream. And for that dream to shatter . . .

I see other dreams, too. Piro, and his robot-girl... Ping, was her name? Piro has his dreams, I'm sure. He certainly looks like a dreamer. He's really quite obvious about that - always lost in some fantasy world or another. And Ping is a dream, to some people. She too, probably wants to be herself, if she can ever figure that out.

But me?

As for myself... I guess I'll sit here behind my grey icy wall and watch them. They still have faith in something. That faith can see them through, to whatever dreams they might have.

I've seen what can happen when that fails, when dreams shatter.

You probably can't see it though.

I have control over myself, after all.

And I won't let you see it.

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