[!filk] Been wanting to filk this for a while. The only problem: I can't figure out who sings it. Every website says someone different wrote it, which is mildly annoying, to say the least. There's also several versions of the song out there. I eventually gave up, and used the chorus placing of the "The Stupids" version.
Oh, and, I would like to credit the title to luci, who gave the idea of it to me. Thanks, luci.
Also, please forgive the one or two singing errors, and the one or two rhyming errors. They were hard to iron out.
Anyways, enjoy! [/!filk]

I'm My Own User
by Eli Young (Elyscape)
Apologies to Someone

Many many years ago,
When I was just designed,
The base was a 'bot that would know
How to imitate a mind.

This idea proved hard to design and
They abandoned me
But someone saw my plans, and wham,
Restarted, now I be

This made me first designer mad
When they popped him the news.
It seems he got a pink slip,
But you snooze and then you loose!

The engineers worked quite hard,
And soon their work was payed off.
Not destined for the junkyard,
I came to life with a cough.

Very smart, I passed all the tests
The Turing test and far more.
But soon it was apparent
That this was just a mere chore.

To see how well I would work
Out in the field, they decided
To send me to an agent who
Would test me, yet keep me guided.

I'm my own user
I'm my own user
I don't need a 'puter
And it makes me cuter
I'm my own user

Then I convince the agent
To leave in search of love.
He packed up and left me in care
With a friend, also in love.

Here I sit, watching him stumble.
I can't take no more.
I think that I will help him try
To increment his score.

If I can help him reach his dreams,
Maybe I'll past the test.
But will I decide to leave him,
Or will I stay and rest?

Most likely I am the
One smartest bot he'll ever meet.
But maybe he thinks of me as
Human, that would be sweet.


I'm My Own Grandpa

Many many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
'Cause she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matter,
Even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny, I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandchild,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It nearly drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!


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