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ARGUMENT.
Our bibulous Un-Hero is drawn into the peculiar Festivities of the Cave of Evil. He finds that despite their Strangeness and the seeming Violence, that he abandons himself to it and even enjoys himself. And then, whilst in a Trance that could only be induced in a Male of the Species, it hits him…
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THE RIME
OF THE
ANCYENT BEER-DRINKERE,
IN THREE PARTS.

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THE FIRST PART.
====

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THE SECOND PART.
====

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THE FIRST PART OF THE THIRD PART.
====

The wedding guest let out a Groan:
His Bladder, it was bloating—
"The Wedding's nearly over now:
I feel my Braces floating!"

The Beer-Drinkere, he paid no Heed
To his Listener's Agony,
Instead spake on (and on and on)
And waved his Hands a-bony:

"Alone, alone! Was I alone,
But for these Mosh-Pit Creeps?
A lovely oni by my side,
Who seeks my Soul for keeps?

"Her Half-Smile mock'd my feeble Will
As I stumbled toward my Fate:
I followed her into the Beat,
I followed with my two left Feet,
A most ungraceful Gait.

"Miho moved into the Beat
Amidst the flashing Light-Show,
Her Eyes with wild Color blazed:
She motioned me to follow.

"A pretty Girl can make life Hell
For fellows such as I;
But pow'rful more by far than that
Is a girl with Kaleidoscope-Eyes! [1]

"Despite my Feet, I tripped the Lights
With Diamonds in the Sky!
(Yeah yeah, the Ceiling, not the Sky,
But fast spellbound was I.)"

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THE DANSE MACABRE.
====

"She danced a Dance not seen before
By this old jaded Eye:
Not Salome, nor Mata-Hari --
Nay, not even dread Kali --
Could match it, or could try!

"Her movements with the Beat were one,
an unfurling Dervish, she,
My Will into her own was spun,
a swirling, swervish Me!,

"And all the other Dancers too,
Were drawn into her Space:
Into this Centrifuge we all
Were blenderized apace.

"Within her parfum'd Penumbra
We writhed and swung and feinted:
Our pugilistic Movements wild
A crazy Picture painted.

"To speak the truth, I call it 'Dance'
Very very guardedly,
Like Riverdance as stagéd by
St. Vitus's Dance Company:

"The Minister of Silly Walks
Would find himself inspired,
If he, our tortured Motions for
His Repertoire acquired.

"I twisted, shouted, writhed about,
With ravers green and blue!
(How clever if you noticed that
I've cribbed this from Part 2.)

"They lift'd each other bodily
And flung'd them into Flight:
'Twasn't my idea of Fun,
But 'twas a wondrous Sight!

"Our Saturnalia raged apace,
The fur and feathers flew
(And in the Mosh I swear I saw
some heads and torsos, too).

"O crazy Dances! No tongue could
Their idiot Glee declare: [2]
A rush of Joy o'erwhelmed me
And I sang out unaware!"

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BUTT OF COURSE...
====

"Just then did blind Fate intervene
As I sang out unaware.
They lifted Miho up on high,
They launch'd her 'midst a joyous cry
Into the smoky Air.

"My Eyes were locked upon her
As she became airborne;
I could not help but notice
That her nylon Tights were torn: [3]

"A Fool I was: I stood and gaped
At that fair Dèrriere,
My Pow'rs of Reason vanished
Into the very Air:

"I forgot the Laws of Motion
Composed by Newton's Hand,
Who said, What goes up, must come down,
That clever @$%*ing Man.

"She went up in a graceful Arc,
And then came down like Lead:
My Albatross came down ass-first,
A Sack unto my Head.

"I've oft admired a cute Rear-End,
I'll own such Views I've sought;
So just before I blackéd out
I had the weirdest thought:

"O Irony of Ironies
In this unending Farce:
The Butt that launch'd a thousand Quips [4]
Had knocked me on my Arse."

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THE END OF THE FIRST PART OF THE THIRD PART. [5]
====

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STAYED TUNED FOR THE NEXT PART OF THE THIRD PART. AND I THANK YE FOR YOUR PATIENCE.
====

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THE NOTES.
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[1] Thus does your humble Narrator show his age.

[2] Brian Eno coined that marvelous turn of phrase.

[3] Inspired by (a) Rowan Bristol's haiku on the final frame of this strip, and (b) a true story which I shall not relate in this space, save to say that it involved unsolicited and unwanted attentions from a thoroughly-snockered young woman, two flabbergasted Germans on their first night out in the U.S., and the best pun on "home run" I have ever heard, especially coming from a non-native speaker of English. (Ask me later.)

[4] This, in case you missed it, followed by much discussion here, here, and here. Abject apologies to Homer.

[5] Part Three is too big to subject anyone to in one reading.

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