Don't annoy Ping-chan.

If I could offer you only one tip for survival, not annoying Ping would be it. The long-term health risks of doing so have been shown by Largo-sama, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own reading of the archives. I will dispense this advice now.

Respect the power and beauty of Erika-san. Oh, never mind. You will not respect the power and beauty of Erika-san until she's broken your arm. But trust me, when she's done so, you'll look down at the cast on your arm and recall in a way you can't grasp now just how stupid commenting on her was, and how painful her breaking your arm was. You are not as drunk as Largo is.

Don't emulate Largo-san. Or rampage, but know that rampaging is as effective as trying to capture an EDS by reading pick-up lines at her. The real trouble in your life is Largo-sama himself, trying to overclock your AMD box, which will probably explode violently.

Do one thing every day that fights 3v1l.

ph34r.

Don't max out your credit card buying booze. Don't put up with people who set fire to your cyb3rnode.

Bathe.

Don't waste your time moping over gajin. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're depressed. The road is long and, in the end, he's in love with a voice actress.

Remember victories you acheive. Forget the defeats. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old character sketches. Throw away your un-l33t components.

Teach.

Don't depressed if he misses your art lesson once. The most talented people I know can spend hours looking for the paintbrush lodged behind their ear. Some of the most skilled gamers I know are completely nuts.

Try to stay in character. Be kind to your fanboys. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll frag Piro, maybe you won't. Maybe your keyboard will break, maybe it won't.
Maybe you'll forget your lessons, maybe you'll actually remember one, and make Yuki's day. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your c00l thing. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Game, even if you have nowhere to do it but your local arcade.

Read the directions, even if you think you know better.

Do not game excessively. It will only make you lose touch with reality.

Get to know your EDS. You never know when the'll go into rampage mode. Be nice to your roommate. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that plotlines come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in plot advancement and gamer humour, because the older both get, the more you need to know how the two fit together.

Give a girl your railcard once, but leave before she can give it back. Hunt down a giant turtle once, but leave before your EDS starts on you. Try to get home.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Largo is crazy. Fanboys will cause trouble. You, too, will get home. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were in Japan, Largo was funny, Fanboys brought variety to life, and Ping-chan didn't have viruses.

Just humour Largo.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a credit card. Maybe you'll find a place to work. But you never know when you'll spend too much at Gamers.

Make sure to get your hair cut, or by the time you're 40 it will be bigger than you.

Be careful what booze you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. B33r is a performance enhancer. Drinking it is a way of removing your cares from the world, boosting your strength, adding to your confidence, and transforming ravers into drooling zombies.

But trust me about annoying Ping-chan.

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