Not to put down Hallmark, but if you peruse the editors' guidelines throughout the many publications listed in Poet's Market, you see the phrase "No Hallmark-style verse" over and over...

As for the piece being filked here, I don't think anyone can top Pete Abrams' version, "Sluggy Mummy Christmas."

It's a Cold, Dark, Hallmark Christmas to the tune of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas"

It's a cold, dark, Hallmark Christmas,
It's the poets' worst nightmare;
Yes, they live in fear of what they'll hear
In this season of despair.

It's a cold, dark, Hallmark Christmas,
Everywhere you'll read bad verse;
So be on your guard for greeting cards
Where it goes from bad to worse.

Oh, the inanity,
This cheerful abuse;
Oh, the humanity!,
Well, at least there's booze...

It's a cold, dark, Hallmark Christmas,
So buck up, and face your fear:
Yes, I'm thinkin' I'll be drinkin' 'til I'm stinkin' for Christmas this year!

(Apologies to Johnny Marks; dedicated to Phaedrus, who bested me in an old haiku tit-for-tat)

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Have a holly, jolly Christmas,
It's the best time of the year;
I don't know if there'll be snow,
But have a cup of cheer.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas,
And when you walk down the street,
Say "Hello" to friends you know
And everyone you meet.

Oh, ho, the mistletoe
Hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Kiss her once for me!

Have a holly jolly Christmas,
And in case you didn't hear:
Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas this year!

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