And now... Another Presentation by the Megatokyo Players!
(with apologies to S. Morgenstern and William Goldman)
Prince Ed: People of Megaflorin! I present to you your next queen -- the Princess Kimiko!!
[Woods near Megaflorin]
(Kimiko riding a horse)
Dom: My Lady?
(Kimiko halts before Dom, Erika, and Largo)
Dom: Hi. We, uh... seem to have lost ourselves. Could you tell us the way to the nearest village?
Kimiko: The nearest town is Megaflorin, and that's miles away.
Dom: Then there will be no one to hear you scream...
(Erika pulls Kimiko from the horse and gags her)
[Sailboat on Megaflorin River]
Dom: ... and when we get to the Cliffs of Insanity, you two go off with the Princess, and I'll head back to Florin to demand the ransom.
Largo: What is someone follows us?
Dom: No one will follow us. No one knows that we have the Princess.
Largo: But what if they do?
Dom: But no one does!
Largo: What about that guy? (points behind him)
Dom: What? Inconceivable!
Erika: I am surrounded by fools.
Dom: You stay out of this!
Largo: What did she say? She called you an idiot, didn't she?
Dom: She called you an idiot.
Largo: Yeah, right. I bet she called you an idiot.
Dom: But she called you an idiot too!
Largo: I knew it! She did call you an idiot. Ha-ha!
[Cliffs of Insanity]
(Dom, Largo, Erika, and Kimiko stand at the top looking down at the Man In Black who is climbing the cliff)
Dom: You stay here and finish him off.
Largo: I'm going to use a shotgun.
Dom: What does it matter how you kill him? Just blast him with a rocket launcher.
Largo: If I use the rocket launcher, it's over too quickly. I must use the shotgun or I will not be satisfied.
Dom: Oh, fine. Just take care of him. I'll go ahead with Erika until you can catch up.
Erika: What about the ransom?
Dom: That will have to wait. Damn this meddler.
(exit Dom, Erika, Kimiko)
(The Man In Black reaches the top of the cliff)
MIB: I guess you're waiting here for me.
Largo: Oh yes. I'm gonna have to fight you now.
MIB: A Quake match? Very well...
Largo: No, that's okay. You can rest a bit if you'd like.
MIB: That's very kind of you.
Largo: One question, how many thumbs do you have?
MIB: What kind of a question is that?
Largo: It's just that my father was 0wz3r3d by a man with three thumbs.
MIB: (holds up his hands) Sounds like an interesting story.
Largo: It is. My father was approached by the three-thumbed man and asked to import some Playstation games. But when they arrived, the man refused to pay full price for them. Naturally, my father challenged him to a duel -- Tekken 2. (shakes head) He lost. With three thumbs, he could perform combinations that were thought to be impossible. Since that day I have dedicated my life to becoming l33t enough to defeat him.
MIB: All of your life? Impressive.
Largo: Well, at first... Nowadays, not so much. You see, by the time I was good enough to challenge him, I couldn't find him. So I have been spending much of the past few years just searching. And then I had to take other jobs -- I'm not sure if you know this, but revenge isn't a very profitable career.
MIB: I can imagine.
Largo: So now I'm lucky if I can manage to get in a decent game of Quake. Which I must now do with you. Are you ready?
MIB: Ready or not, you've been more than fair.
(they begin fighting)
(At first with machine guns. Then alternating between plasma and shotguns, and occasionally a rocket. They careen back-and-forth across the rugged terrain; neither one quite able to ever find his target. They are blasting at each other with shotguns as Largo is backed against a wall.)
Largo: I see you've mastered the circle-strafe.
MIB: It seemed fitting, considering the open area.
(In a burst of flame, Largo rocket-jumps over the Man In Black and lands on a ledge above. The Man In Black rocket-jumps himself and spins in mid-air so he lands directly facing Largo.)
Largo: I admit, you're much better than me.
MIB: So why are you smiling?
Largo: Because I have a secret...
(Largo whips out a railgun)
(The Man In Black leaps out of the way as a slug rips through the air behind him. Largo fires slug after slug as the Man In Black lays down plasma fire in a defensive move. Largo pins him in an alley and holds him in his sights.)
MIB: You truly are l33t.
Largo: Th4nk j00
MIB: But I too have a secret...
(Largo sees only an intense white muzzle-flash. He has no time to dodge. The slug hits him square on the chest and sends his body flying backwards where he slams into a wall, leaving an imprint. The last thing he sees before losing consciousness is the Man In Black standing before him)
MIB: You have lost the lead.
to be continued...
I did attribute Goldman/Morgenstern, what more do you want?
Oh, maybe a title. Heh... Well I could call it the "Princess Maker Bride", but...
Okay, on with the story.
(Dom looks through binoculars and sees the Man In Black leaving the arena)
Erika: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Dom: Shut up! Now I'm going to have to take the Princess all by myself. You stay here and make sure he doesn't come any further.
Erika: Okay, sure. But you're going to have to pay me more.
Dom: What? Are you...
(Erika narrows her eyes)
Dom: ... uh, yeah, fine, whatever. I'll just take it out of Largo's pay.
(exit Dom, Kimiko)
(enter Man In Black)
(Erika steps out from behind the rock where she was hiding and grabs The Man In Black's arm)
Erika: All right. Who are you and why are you following us?
MIB: You've kidnapped the Princess. It would be the duty of anyone in Megaflorin to rescue her.
Erika: And what business of yours is the Princess? You don't look like the kind of person who would care that much about the royal family, anyway. Are you even from Megaflorin?
MIB: I have my reasons.
Erika: You're in love with her.
(Erika lets go)
Erika: You are! You're in love with the Princess.
MIB: I, uh... I don't know what you're talking about.
Erika: Oh, come on. She's a looker. Every man in Megaflorin who isn't gay has a crush on her. You're just the only one with guts enough to do something about it.
MIB: Well you're the ones who kidnapped her.
Erika: Yeah, but that's just for the money. I'm also kinda hoping I can get a shot at assassinating Prince Ed.
MIB: So you're assassins too?
Erika: Just me, and only as a hobby. You?
MIB: Pirating, mostly.
Erika: Ah. So you must be the Dread Pirate Baka.
MIB: (sheepishly) Yeah.
Erika: Is that why you wear the mask?
MIB: I wear a mask so people won't have to look at my hideous face.
Erika: What, are you disfigured or something?
MIB: No, I'm just really ugly.
Erika: Can't be that bad. Lemme see...
(Erika lifts The Man In Black's mask)
Erika: You aren't ugly.
MIB: You're just saying that...
Erika: I mean it. You look fine to me, and I'm sure the Princess would agree.
(The Man In Black blushes)
Erika: You've really got to work on your self-image. Here, you've caught us kidnapping the Princess, chased us down, beaten our l33t-d00d at Quake... That's a lot to be proud of. And you still have a chance to rescue the Princess. Dom is heading towards the Megaflorin border. I'm sure the Princess will be very grateful for you rescuing her, if you know what I mean.
MIB: Uh... yeah. Thanks.
Erika: No problem.
(exit Man In Black)
Erika: Oh... wait! Damn. I guess this means I don't get paid.
[Cliffs of Insanity]
(Prince Ed examines the ground at the top of the cliff)
Ed: There was a Quake match here. The winner went north, away from Megaflorin. The loser went south, back to the forest.
Miho: We will go north then.
Ed: Yes. The Princess would have been taken by the one who was l33t, not the l4m3r.
(enter Man In Black)
(Dom is seated at a table with the Princess blindfolded next to him. There is a large box on the table.)
Dom: So, you have finally caught up with me and now you wish to fiendishly take what I have rightfully stolen. But I think I may have something that will change your mind.
MIB: I have only come for the Princess. Anything you may offer me is meaningless.
Dom: Oh, is it?
(Dom dumps the contents of the box out onto the table)
(The box was filled with games, movies, and doujinshi discs)
Dom: What have we here? Sentimental Graffiti, Tokimeki Memorial, Air, My Fair Angel... Quite a collection, I must say. And it could be yours.
(The Man In Black begins trembling and sweating)
Dom: Or you could leave it all behind and take the Princess. So what's it going to be? The Princess or Princess Maker? Make your choice. You have to decide. But you can't decide. There is no decision! It's impossible, either way you lose. You lose, I win! I win, you lose! MUAHAHAHAHAAA--
(Dom falls over dead)
(The Man In Black replaces the pistol in its holster)
(Kimiko struggles out of her bonds and removes the blindfold from her eyes)
Kimiko: You did it! You resisted the anime. How did you manage to...
(The Man In Black is hastily gathering all of the discs into his own bag)
MIB: Huh? You were saying?
Kimiko: Never mind.
[Valley below the Ridge]
Kimiko: I know who you are. You're the Dread Pirate Baka.
MIB: Very good.
Kimiko: Well I don't know what you have in store for me. But be sure that Prince Ed will not rest until he has found you and punished you.
MIB: I just rescued you from kidnappers, aren't you at least a little bit grateful?
Kimiko: Well... That may be. But you're a pirate, and pirates never do anything good. No one ever does anything good.
MIB: That's a dim view of life. You mean no one has ever been kind to you?
Kimiko: No, never. Except...
MIB: Go on.
Kimiko: Well... There was this one time. I needed to take the train but I didn't have enough money to buy a ticket. There I was, standing in this crowded station worrying about how I was going to get home, when suddenly a stranger held a ticket out in front of me. "Here," was all he said, and then he walked away. That was it, he didn't wait for a reply or anything. I didn't feel like it was proper to accept such a gift, but he didn't give me a choice, or even a chance to thank him. The crowd closed in around us and all I saw of him was the back of his head.
[Back at the top of the Ridge]
Ed: A man is dead. And look at this -- anime!
Miho: You think he was killed by anime?
Ed: No, he was killed *for* anime.
Miho: Oh great, an otaku.
Ed: But not just any otaku. He took many of the discs, but not all. These discs are all shonen. Not a single shoujo to be found. We're dealing with a shoujo otaku.
MIB: And what would you say to that man if you ever met him?
Kimiko: Oh, I don't know... I guess I'd thank him. And maybe pay him back. But what do you care? You're time is up. There is the Prince now.
(The Man In Black turns around to look at where Kimiko is pointing. Kimiko reaches out and pulls off his mask.)
Kimiko: *GASP* It's you!
(The Man In Black, aka Dread Pirate Baka, is indeed Piro. And I bet you never guessed
Piro: Your Highness.
Kimiko: This is horrible. Here I finally find the one kind person in all of Megaflorin and Prince Ed is going to kill him.
Piro: Not if we can escape him.
Kimiko: But where? He's right behind us.
Piro: In there. (points)
Kimiko: Oh no! Not there! Anywhere but....
Piro: Yes... The Ecchi Swamp!
(exit Piro, Kimiko)
(enter Ed, Miho)
Miho: Ah... He ran away.
Ed: Shall we follow them?
(Miho gives Ed a sidelong death-glance)
Ed: Of course. We will go around and catch them when they come out... assuming they ever do.
Miho: They will. This one is resourceful.
[Other side of the Ecchi Swamp]
(Piro and Kimiko stumble out of the forest. Dirty, exhausted, and their clothes torn in revealing ways. Kimiko is as red as a tomato)
Piro: Well, that was an adventure.
Piro: We managed to avoid the Lemon Spurts, escaped from the Quick-Bondage, wrestled our way past the T.O.U.S.'s, and all none the worse for wear. Plus, it'll make for some wonderful bedtime stories to tell our kids.
(This finally gets Kimiko to stop muttering as she levels a very meaningful stare at Piro)
Piro: Right... probably not the best time to mention children.
(enter Ed, Miho, soldiers)
Piro: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
Miho: (chuckles) I told you he was brave... and a fool.
Ed: One more chance. Surrender now!
Piro: Death first!
Kimiko: Promise not to hurt him!
Kimiko: I'll return with you if you promise to let this man go free. He wasn't the one who kidnapped me, he actually rescued me.
(Ed looks at Miho who raises her eyebrow)
Ed: In that case, you can go. Come Princess, we must plan for our wedding. (to Piro) My men will escort you out of Megaflorin.
(exit Ed, Kimiko)
(Miho approaches Piro)
Miho: Come on now. Let's get you out of here.
Piro: There's no need to pretend, I know I'm your prisoner.
Miho: Very well. (to a soldier) Tie him up.
(Piro is staring at Miho's hands)
Miho: What is it?
Piro: You have three thumbs. Someone was looking for you.
Piro: Yeah, he thinks you're a man too.
[Cave of Evil]
Piro: (groans) Where am I?
Tsubasa: (cheerfully) Good morning! Welcome to the Cave of Evil.
Piro: Cute name. I guess you're going to torture me.
Tsubasa: Oh, yes. Miho-sama has just the thing for you.
Piro: Okay, I can handle torture.
Tsubasa: Oh no... You made it through the Ecchi Swamp, so you're obviously very strong. But no one survives...
Tsubasa: The Machine!
(In the corner is an ominous-looking contraption draped in black)
(Erika is reading the announcement of Ed and Kimiko's wedding)
Erika: I guess the poor boy never made it. Too bad.
(She begins walking through the forest)
Erika: I shouldn't have helped him. I don't know why I did, and it cost me a paycheck. Not like I would've gotten paid for that job anyway. More likely would've ended up in the castle dungeon.
(Around her, soldiers are rounding up people and hauling them away)
Erika: But then I would've gotten a chance to fight Ed, that would've been nice.
(A man jumps out onto the trail in front of her. Two soldiers grab him and drag him away.)
Erika: Looks like the Prince is really cleaning house for his wedding. So much work to do, so much to plan... It can be so distracting. Too distracting to notice a single little assassination attempt.
(A soldier approaches)
Soldier: Hey! You! No one is allowed in the-- AUGGH!
(Erika breaks both his legs)
Erika: But I'll need help...
[Cave of Evil]
(Piro is strapped in the machine)
(Miho observes him from behind a table)
Miho: Hmm... quite impressive. Let's try the next level.
Piro: NNNNN.... NNNNNNN.... NNNNNNNNNN.....
Miho: Now, now. Try not to over-exert yourself. You're on your way to a high score.
(We finally get to see the machine in all it's horrific glory -- It's a DDR machine)
Piro: *pant* Must... *pant* keep... *pant* going.... *pant* Must... *pant* Must... *pant* Not..... *pant* much.... *pant* longer.....
Miho: Yes.... Very nice.
(She smiles and takes a sip of her tea)
(Largo is leaning against a wall, obviously drunk. A large, ogre-faced brute with a frightening axe is standing over him)
Largo: NO! j00 h4v3 n0 h0n0r!!
Brute: Why you...
Erika: Oi! What's going on here?
Brute: Eh? Who the hell are you?
(Erika taps him on the shoulder and sends him sprawling)
Largo: Oh, it's you. Yer just in time to see one helluva ass-whuping.
(He stumbles to his feet)
Brute: All right, that's it!
(The Brute charges. Erika kicks him in the thigh and splinters his femur.)
Largo: Check out my l33t ninja moves...
(The Brute swings his axe. Erika catches it, then twists.)
Erika: Come on, I haven't got all day.
Largo: Yeah, now you know what happens when you fux0r with me.
(exit Erika, Largo)
Erika: So that's it, that's my assassination plan. Are you in?
(Largo doesn't understand a word of Erika's Japanese)
Largo: beer... I really need some beer...
Erika: Oh. Right.
Largo: So what's this all about anyway? I thought we were through; heard Dom was dead or something.
(Erika thinks for a moment, then remembers one of the words she knows Largo will understand.)
Largo: What? Where?! The evil must be stopped.
Erika: Good. Let's get going.
Piro: (off screen) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erika: That voice. It's him! That's the Man In Black. He's alive -- or just barely -- and nearby. We should find him.
[Outside Cave of Evil]
Erika: That scream came from somewhere around here.
Largo: I sense.... a presence.
Erika: The entry to the Prince's torture chamber is rumored to be around here somewhere.
Largo: There is evil nearby.
(Largo stumbles around the clearing, coming to a stop in front of a large, gnarled tree.)
Erika: What are you doing? You're head is as thick as that wood.
Largo: The evil.... the evil is here!
(Erika smacks him on the back of his head. He stumbles and grabs onto a large knot. The knot opens the secret passageway which Largo falls into.)
Erika: Well, that almost makes it worth bringing him along.
[Cave of Evil]
(enter Largo, Erika)
Largo: Whoah! This place is cool!
Erika: How... drab. Look, there he is.
Largo: Check out those boxes! This is so l33t.
(Largo begins looking over the DDR machine)
Erika: He doesn't look so good. My god, I think he may be dead. This is not good. I feel a kinship with this man. I don't know how or why, but I believe we are allies in some great endeavor. Whether it be for love or for vengeance, our paths all lead to Prince Ed -- and not even death can keep us from it.
Largo: YES! I am the MASTER!!!!
(Largo has just completed the highest level of DDR)
Erika: Can we go now?
[Miracle Worker's Hut]
(Erika knocks on the door)
Miracle Worker: Who is it? We're not home!
(Erika looks at Largo. Largo shrugs. She knocks again)
Miracle Worker: I told you, we're not home. Go away!
Erika: But we need a miracle.
Miracle Worker: Sorry, I don't do that anymore.
Erika: The sign on the door says "Miracle Worker."
Miracle Worker: Misprint. It should say, uh.... "Social Worker."
Erika: Look, we only have a few hours before Prince Ed's wedding. There's a lot to be done if I want to get in there and break up the wedding, unite this guy with his one true love, assassinate Prince Ed, and let this bozo do whatever it is he's supposed to do, And not the least of it is to bring this guy back from the dead. So are you open for business, or am I gonna have to find another miracle worker?
Miracle Worker: So you're gonna break up Prince Ed's wedding? Really piss him off, maybe kill him in the process?
Erika: Yes, yes, and yes.
Miracle Worker: Well why didn't you say so in the first place. Come on in. Nice sum-up, by the way.
Erika: Thank you.
(The door opens and it is revealed that the Miracle Worker is Seraphim)
Seraphim: So what's the problem? You said this fella was dead? Let me have a look at him.
Erika: Can you help him.
Seraphim: It depends on just how dead he really is. Hand me that, will you?
Erika: Here... What is that? Can you revive him with it?
Seraphim: It's called a cigarette lighter.
Seraphim: Okay, now I can get to work. Hmm... Just as I suspected, your friend here wasn't killed, but merely kick-banned.
Erika: That's good news, then. Right?
Seraphim: Yeah, sorta. It means he can be revived, but he has to want to come back. What was his part in this whole thing again?
Erika: Well, he loves Princess Kimiko. I think he really means it, too. And from the rumors I've heard, the Princess is in love with someone other than the Prince; it must be him.
Seraphim: You know, that's some pretty specious reasoning to be hoping on a miracle with.
Erika: Hey, what do you want from me? I've got a drunk who doesn't understand me for a sidekick, whole chunks of the story have been cut out, I'm supposed to be a 500 pound man, and this part of the parody is being written at 1 am. You want believable dialog, pay me.
Seraphim: Okay, fine. I guess I'll just have to make-do. Let's see...
(Seraphim places a megaphone in front of his mouth and presses on his chest)
Piro: True...... Love......
Erika: There! See... He said "True love." He wants to return for Princess Kimiko.
Seraphim: You may be right.
Piro: ... Stories.
Seraphim: Or not.
Erika: Goddamn otaku.
Largo: Look, I don't know exactly what's going on but I do know we have to get to the castle before dark. So can we hurry up with the magic stuff here? Just shoot him full of caffeine and let's get going.
Seraphim: It's not that simple. He has to really want to come back to life. I can start his heart and maybe get him moving, but his soul would have already left. He'd be like.... a zombie.
Largo: That ain't happening.
(He grabs Piro's hair and holds his head up in front of his face.)
Largo: j0, buddy. You give a damn about the Princess or don't you? Now we're gonna raid the castle and stop this wedding whether you're coming with us or not. So what's it gonna be, you in?
(He lets go, but Piro remains sitting up)
Erika: Rigor mortis already.
Seraphim: No, wait.
(Piro's head nods forward)
(Piro's head swings backward)
(Piro collapses on the table)
Erika: (quietly) My God.
Seraphim: That's a "yes" if I've ever seen one. Let's bring this man back to life!
Seraphim: He'll be a bit sluggish for a while, don't expect much for at least 30 minutes.
Erika: Are there any other pills or potions we have to give him?
Seraphim: No, you don't have to worry about that. Something else the author decided to gloss over. He should be almost fully recovered in two or three scenes.
Erika: That fast? Well, good. No need getting bogged-down in semi-plausible explanations.
Erika: Sorry I can't pay you right now. Maybe I can steal a few things from the castle...
Seraphim: Oh, this one's on me. Just be sure to get the Prince really, really mad.
Erika: Thank you, again. Good-bye.
(exit Erika, Largo, Piro)
Seraphim: Buh-bye! Sayonara! Ganbatte ne and Give 'em hell!
Erika: Fourteen... seventeen... Looks like about twenty guards.
Largo: We're outnumbered. I like our chances.
Erika: He's waking up, good.
Piro: Ugh... Wha? Who? How? Huh?
Erika: Okay, now that you're all caught up we can start the attack.
Piro: I can't move my legs.
Erika: Don't overstress yourself. You've only just been recently dead.
Piro: Oh yeah, that.
Erika: There are twenty guards at the gate. Any ideas?
Largo: I need a beer.
Piro: Are you here too?
Erika: Here. I swiped it from the miracle worker's hut.
(hands Largo a flask)
Piro: We'll need a distraction.
Erika: Let's see... I think I have some flash grenades around here somewhere...
(He leaps over the wall and charges the gate)
(Largo is being pounded on by the guards. Suddenly a cry of "FIRE!" goes up. The guards look and see that their barracks are ablaze. They quickly abandon the fight and run to rescue their valuables/porn.)
(Erika steps out of the shadows with Piro)
Largo: d00d... You're walking.
Piro: I'm a fast healer.
Erika: Let's go.
Piro: The Princess. I must find the Princess.
Erika: The wedding is in less than an hour. I suspect the chapel would be in the east wing.
(Miho appears ahead of them)
Miho: Oh, it's you.
(Erika leans Piro against a wall then prepares to fight)
Miho: Guards! I don't know what you fools intend to do here, but I will enjoy stopping you.
(Largo notices her hands)
Largo: You have three thumbs! And you're a chick!
Miho: How nice of you to notice.
Largo: My father was 0wnz3d by a GIRL!!
Miho: What is he babbling about?
Largo: You cheated my father then defeated him at Tekken 2.
Miho: I have defeated many men. Who are you, and why should I care?
Largo: My name is Largo. You 0wnz3r3d my father. Prepare to d13!!!
Miho: This is bothersome. Guards, kill them.
(Largo and Erika a outnumbered but not out-skilled. Largo makes short work of his attackers then runs off down the hallway)
Erika: Largo-kun! Wait... damn him.
(Erika finishes off her attackers)
Erika: (to Piro) Come on, let's go find the Princess.
(Largo comes running full-speed down the staircase. Miho is standing at the other side of the room)
Largo: My name is Largo. You 0wnz3r3d my father. Prepare to d13!
(Miho waves her hand and a number of pots and pans tumble off a shelf onto Largo. He shoves them aside then charges across the room. Miho sends a flurry of knives at him. He jumps to avoid them. Suddenly, time slows down and Largo is suspended in mid-air, Matrix-like. Miho leaps towards him. Largo grabs her arms and they struggle for a minute before Miho finally breaks free. Largo swings at her, but Miho catches his fist. She uses it for balance as she kicks at his head. Largo dodges, but is hit in the back. When he looks up there are a three metal sheets are flying towards him. He ducks and one of them hits him on the shoulder, opening a large gash. Miho claps her hands together and a wave of energy shoots out, hitting Largo in the abdomen. He doubles over in pain as Miho stands above him. She raises her hand.)
Miho: Begone, pest.
(She brings her hand down. Largo rolls away at the last instant. He struggles to his feet.)
Largo: My name is Largo. You 0wnz3r3d my father. Prepare to d13!
Miho: I heard you the first time.
(Miho strikes again. Largo dodges again.)
Largo: My name is LARGO! j00 0wnz3r3d my f4th3r! PR3P4R23 T0 D13!!!
Miho: What is wrong with you?!
(Miho brings her hands together and thrusts at Largo. He leaps up over her head. She flies after him, but he reverses and slips below her.)
Miho: You should be honored. Very few people ever see my true power... and none of them live.
(Miho flies down at Largo, a tremendous surge of energy builds up in front of her. Suddenly, Largo pulls out a sword and thrusts it at Miho. She cannot avoid it and merely gasps in amazement as she is impaled on the steel. Largo leans into her face.)
Largo: I 0wnz j00.
(Kimiko is walking in the hallway outside of her bedroom. She sees Erika.)
Erika: Good evening, Princess.
Kimiko: You! What... What are you doing here?
Erika: I understand that our last meeting was less than pleasant, and I can't guarantee this will be any better. But I have brought a friend.
(she moves so Kimiko can see Piro)
Kimiko: You'd better come into my room.
Kimiko: You look injured. Do you need a doctor?
Piro: No, thank you. Just had a little bought of the death, nothing I can't handle.
Kimiko: Oh. (pause) I guess you're here to stop my wedding. Well you're too late.
Piro: You didn't?
Kimiko: No, not that. I mean, I've already decided to call it off. And yes, it's because of you. Everyone in this castle is a liar, or a murderer, or a thief. But you reminded me that there are honest, decent people in the world. I couldn't live with these people after having met you.
Piro: So will you leave with us.
Kimiko: Yes, yes I will.
Largo: Oh, here you all are.
Erika: What about the Prince? I've come here to kill him.
Kimiko: No, please. No more killing.
Erika: Well someone should, don't you think he deserves it?
Kimiko: Well sure, I guess he does. But that doesn't make it right. There are better ways to live your life than through violence.
Kimiko: Don't call me that.
Piro: I'm sorry. Kimiko, we should go now. The guards will be here soon.
Kimiko: Yes, let's go. What's wrong with your friend? He looks sad.
Piro: Largo, you okay?
Piro: He'll be fine. Come on.
(exit Piro, Kimiko, Erika, Largo)
Ed: Princess, it's time for... Princess? Hello? Where did she go? And what's this pink, heart-shaped thing?
Kimiko: Thank you for coming to rescue me. It was very, very brave of you all.
Piro: So Largo, you've had your revenge, what now?
Largo: Dunno, never really thought about what would happen afterwards.
Piro: I hear there's a position opening up for a pirate, I could put in a good word for you.
Largo: Pirating is c00l.
Kimiko: And you, Erika? Are you still going to be an assassin?
Erika: No, I think I'll get away from that. I'm going to do some travelling, look into those "better ways" you talked about.
Kimiko: I'm glad.
Piro: And I'm glad too.
(Piro and Kimiko kiss)
(Seraphim watches them from the top of a hill)
Seraphim: *sniff* And they all lived happily ever after. The end.