This is an attempt to filk an anime song in English. My object was to keep the rhythm of the original Japanese in the English lyrics, while staying true to the meaning of the original (or, at least, the translation of the original). I don't think I'll be doing it again anytime soon, as it isn't easy. Doing this gives me a new respect for Ely's Rammstein filks.

The filk is based on strips 527 and 528. An mp3 of the song can be found here. For those who don't recognize it, it's the closing theme from Serial Experiments Lain.

A Darkened Mirror
(Kimiko/Kotone)

Drifting petals break the surface of the water,
Ripples echo in the shallows of my spirit,
They should reflect peace, but I only shake harder,
Times like this I feel so lonely, I can hardly bear it.

I have been alone as long as I remember,
Friends, like evening's fireflies, go drifting by me,
I am not that kind of person who is easy to know,
Can't put into plain words all the things inside that I feel.

Hey Hey - My secret intensity is mocking me,
Hey Hey - I can't stand any more of these pretty lies.
Do you hear me through the programmed fantasy?
Close your eyes, listen; I can't explain it, and I don't know why.

I can't express my feelings, though I try,
Could be they aren't even real, nor am I;
Am I dreaming of her, or is she dreaming of me?
Looking through a darkened mirror, shadows are all I can see...

Hey Hey - My secret intensity is mocking me,
Hey Hey - I can't stand any more of these pretty lies.
Do you hear me through the programmed fantasy?
Close your eyes, listen; I can't explain it, and I don't know why.

Drifting petals break the surface of the water,
Ripples echo in the shallows of my spirit,
I am not that kind of person who is easy to know,
'Cuz there aren't any words for the things inside that I feel.

(apologies to Nakaido "Chabo" Reichi)
===================================================
Toi Sakebi (A Distant Cry )
Nakaido "Chabo" Reichi

nan no tsumi mo nai hazu na no ni
nanraka no batsu wo uketeru
jibun de maita tane de mo nai no ni
sakimidareta hana tsumasareru

(Although I must be innocent,
now I am punished.
I wasn't the one who sowed those seeds, but nevertheless
I have to pull up the flowers that bloomed from them.)

shiranai koto to mo ienai ga
katabou katsuida oboe wa nai
jiyuu wo takaku kawasareta ki mo suru ga
kokoro made yasuku utta oboe wa nai

(I can't say I didn't know about it,
but I don't remember taking any part in it.
I think my freedom cost me dearly,
but I don't remember selling my soul so cheaply.)

Hey Hey kutabatte osaraba suru made
Hey Hey dare no te ni mo kakaranai
tooi yoru wo urotsuite-iru
shiranai darou eien no narazu mono-tachi wo

(Hey Hey Until I die and say farewell...
Hey Hey... no one can touch me.
You probably don't know
the eternal outlaws prowling in the distant night.)

yurusenai shiuchi de mo nai ga
iyaseru kizu de mo aru mai
nakesou na yoru ni wa onna daite
kono chinke na shaba kara taka tobi sa

(The act wasn't inexcusable
but the wounds from it aren't curable.
On nights when I almost want to cry, I hold a woman
and fly high away from this petty, corrupt world.)

Hey Hey kutabatte osaraba suru made
Hey Hey dare no te ni mo kakaranai
tooi yoru wo urotsuite-iru
shiranai darou eien no narazu mono-tachi wo

(Hey Hey Until I die and say farewell...
Hey Hey... no one can touch me.
You probably don't know
the eternal outlaws prowling in the distant night.)

nan no tsumi mo nai hazu na no ni
nanraka no batsu wo uketeru
jiyuu wo takaku kawasareta ki mo suru ga
kokoro made yasuku uritobasu hara wa nai...

(Although I must be innocent,
now I am punished.
I think my freedom cost me dearly,
but I don't have the guts to sell my soul so cheaply... )

Kimiko/Kotone Dreaming


"Are you really real?" she laughs. She is always so fey in these dreams. Her eyes dance in a way I'm frightened of.

"Yes." I am real. "I am real."

She tilts her head at me. She is sitting on the air above the lake which is the only thing I can see; everything is dark but us. I am standing on the water. She has that smile on, like an arrogant child. "More real than me? It's your voice, not mine?"

"Yes!" I want to wake up, I want to...

"You don't look real," she says, floating around me to look from all sides. I stay still, except that I'm trembling a little.

"I am."

"Not as real as me," like I hadn't said anything. "I'm soooooo real. Very real. Do you know how real I am? I can do this!" And she stretches her arms above her head, takes an exaggerated breath, and falls into the water. "Sploosh!" she cries as she goes under, and the water echoes her with an enormous splash. I watch her grin ripple-distorted, her pastel hair fanning out around her. I am trembling in earnest, now.

She breaks the surface again and spins around in the air, laughing, spraying droplets everywhere that pass through me and make little circles on the water behind. "Can you do that? Are you real enough to splash?"

"Stop it!"

"You should be able to. If anyone can see you at all, the water can. You should be able to disturb it, at least." I want to wake up. "Do you even exist? Lots of people are going to see me. You know what I think? I think it's my voice. I don't think you're even there at - "

I wake up.

Morning. My whole apartment is here, my vision filled up with things I can see; very solid, palpable, real. I don't remember the dream. I can never remember the dreams. But I stand in front of the mirror for a time and I touch my face with my hand.

"Real," I whisper. "Real."