or, what not to ask about at the MT Panel.

The New MT Fanboy
(after "The Young British Soldier")

When the new MT reader shows up at a Con,
'E acts like a n00b an' 'is questions all bomb,
An' 'e don't understand why 'e's shot down by Dom
Ere 'e's fit to be known as a fanboy.
Known, known, known as a fanboy,
Known, known, known as a fanboy,
Known, known, known as a fanboy,
Fa-anboy of MT!

Now all you otaku what's come 'ere today,
Just sit yerself down 'ere an 'ark to my lay,
An I'll sing you the questions that you shouldn't say,
For to teach you the way o' the fanboy.
Way, way, way o' the fanboy, etc.

First mind you steer clear o' the hentai requests,
An' all other subjects alludin' to sex,
'Cuz questions like those will make Fred apoplex*,
And are certain to vex other fanboys.
Vex, vex, vex other fanboys, etc.

When the next strip goes up - as it will past a doubt -
That is quite soon enough for you to find out
What's 'appenin next, so do not ask about
What the future will 'old for the fanboys.
'Old, 'old, 'old for the fanboys, etc.

When Dom takes the floor for to rave an' to rant,
Don't ask 'im for godssake to take off 'is pants,
For if that is a wish 'e decides 'e will grant,
You'll need bleach for the eyes o' the fanboy!
Eyes, eyes, eyes o' the fanboy, etc.

Don't ask about Rodney, 'oo long 'as been toast,
'E was 'ere, now 'e's 'ist'ry, an' that is the most
You will 'ear at the panel - go elsewhere to boast
O' the gossip you've 'eard from some fanboys.
'Eard, 'eard, 'eard from some fanboys, etc.

When Piro sits down with 'is three-by-five cards
To sign autographs an' to sketch out some art
For the fans, please don't ask 'im to sign body-parts,
'E won't do that for fangirls or fanboys!
Fan, fan, fangirls or fanboys, etc.

Now long-winded questions intended to show
'Ow deep is your insight, and 'ow much you know,
To admirin' friends an' to envious foes,
Will result in you boring the fanboys.
Bo-, bo-, boring the fanboys, etc;

Before you cite rip-offs from some animé,
Like Chobits, Love Hina, or Haibane Renmei,
Reflect on 'ow much from these shows are cliché,
An' that parody's fun for the fanboy.
Fun, fun, fun for the fanboy, etc.

There's a timetable no one but Fred ever sees
For projects he's planned, an' it changes with ease,
So don't ask for a deadline for pity's sake, please!
Because patience is good for the fanboy.
Good, good, good for the fanboy, etc.

There are private details of Fred's personal life
That you don't need to know, an' the same for 'is wife,
Such invasion o' privacy ain't real polite,
And is no way to act for a fanboy.
Act, act, act for a fanboy, etc.

Now don't you be daunted at all by my lay
If you can't think o' questions, or what you can say,
Stand straight an' stand tall an' ask "'Ow was your day?"
An' you'll 'scape from the wrath o' the fanboys.
Wrath, wrath, wrath o' the fanboys, etc.

When the questions you've asked are incurably lame,
An' the fanboys around you are ready to flame,
Show an MT girl's poster an' shout out 'er name,
And you'll decoy those torch-bearing fanboys.
Torch, torch, torch-bearing fanboys,
Torch, torch, torch-bearing fanboys,
Torch, torch, torch-bearing fanboys,
Fanboys of MT!

(apologies to Rudyard Kipling)

*step away from the dictionary.

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